Posts

, ,

When Illness or Death Changes Everything Overnight: 5 Ways to Stay Grounded in the Chaos

There is a moment when life as you know it ends.

It might come in a phone call. A diagnosis. A doctor walking into the room.
One sentence, and everything changes.

An email I received from a reader provoked this article. She wrote

“I’m 50 years old, sitting in a hospital room with my 43-year-old husband, who is trying to recover from surgery for esophageal cancer. His diagnosis in early March sent me into a tailspin, triggering many unresolved fears that I have around the concept of mortality.”

Most of us don’t know what to say, what to do, or how to comfort one another. We never learned how because we live in a society that treats death as a taboo subject.

Like a soldier having a first experience under fire in battle, nothing prepares you for the thoughts, feelings, and devouring experience of facing your own brink of death or that of a loved one.

Here are five sanity-saving and powerful keys to coping well when critical illness or death catches you by surprise.

Acknowledge and Accept What Is Happening

Trying to pretend things are other than how they are only delays the inevitable. Reality does not bend to our resistance. And the only moment in which we have any power at all is the one we are standing in now.

At some point, we are called to face the truth directly and settle into it, even when every part of us wants to turn away.

Pay attention not only to the news you are receiving, but to what is happening inside of you as you take it in.

Bear witness to your inner experience. Are you shocked? Angry? Numb? Unable to listen? In denial? Grasping for some other explanation that would make this not real? These are all natural human responses. But they are not a steady place from which to respond.

Acceptance is often misunderstood. It is not about liking what is happening or approving of it. It is a conscious choice to stop fighting reality and to meet this moment as it is.

When we stop resisting, something shifts. We become more available, more receptive, more able to respond to what is actually here, rather than what we wish were true.

Don’t Critique Your Own Behavior

It is not uncommon to be critical of your own ability to face the rigors of critical illness and death, whether it is your own or that of a loved one.

Try not to measure yourself against some imagined standard of how you “should” be thinking, feeling, or behaving. Stay grounded in the truth of how it actually is for you, and meet yourself there with as much kindness as you can.

Give yourself permission to not have it together. You may feel overwhelmed mentally, physically, or emotionally. This is unfamiliar territory, and you do not have a reference point for what is normal.

Let your thoughts and feelings move through you. When they are pushed down, they build pressure and eventually surface in ways that are harder to manage. Let yourself feel what you feel without turning it into something that is wrong.

If you are the caregiver, you may feel guilty for tending to your own needs while someone you love is suffering. This is a very human response.

But you can only give from what you have. When you are depleted, it is natural for resentment, anger, or self-pity to arise. These feelings are not a failure. They are signals that something in you needs care and attention.

If you find yourself struggling to cope, reach out for support. Seek someone who can be present with you in an honest way and who has experience navigating illness, dying, and grief.

Don’t Attempt to Protect Others from the Truth

It can be tempting to believe that you are protecting someone by shielding them from a difficult truth. But often, what looks like protection is rooted in fear and an attempt to manage what feels unbearable.

When we soften or avoid reality, we may take away another person’s opportunity to meet the moment in their own way. We step in between them and their experience.

Honesty, even when it is painful, creates the possibility for real connection. It keeps the door open for genuine, intimate exchange.

Telling the truth respects the other person’s capacity to cope. It allows both of you to meet what is happening together, rather than standing apart in separate versions of reality.

Maintain Mindfulness

Moments of serious illness or the approach of death can feel disorienting. Time may seem to slow down and speed up all at once.

There can be a sense of stepping outside of ordinary life, while at the same time being flooded with constant demands and decisions.

It is natural for the mind to react with denial, shock, anger, or withdrawal. These are common ways we try to protect ourselves from what feels overwhelming.

In the midst of this, gently bring yourself back to the present moment.

Simple questions can help anchor you in the moment. “What is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?” “How do I actually feel?” “What is needed here?”

If you are navigating an ongoing illness or hospitalization, consider keeping a simple daily record of what is happening. Note what is occurring medically, as well as what you are observing emotionally and mentally. Over time, this can offer clarity and a deeper understanding of the experience as it unfolds.

Supporting the Caregiver

There is often one person who becomes the primary caregiver. If that is you, it is important to recognize that you are carrying a great deal.

It is easy to place all of your attention on the needs of the person who is ill and to set your own aside. You may even feel that you should.

But caring for someone else does not mean abandoning yourself.

Your well-being matters. Not only for your own sake, but because it directly affects your ability to be present and supportive.

Allow yourself moments of rest. Accept help when it is offered. Speak honestly about what you need. This is not selfish. It is part of sustaining yourself through a demanding and often emotional role.

Staying Present 

We do not have control over when or how life will confront us with illness or death. These moments often arrive without warning, altering everything we thought was certain.

What we do have is the ability to influence how we meet what is here.

We can choose, again and again, to return to the present moment. We can respond with as much honesty, compassion, and steadiness as we are able.

You do not have to do this perfectly. You only have to do your best, one moment at a time.

 

/by
,

If I Were Queen: The Power of Vulnerability and Letting Go of Control

What if the way we protect ourselves is also what keeps us from feeling fully alive?

For many years, I found myself saying, “If I were queen…” whenever I felt frustrated with the way people behave and the way the world works. This was long before “No Kings” became a thing.

I objected to so many things. Selfishness. Greed. Deception. Violence. Irresponsibility. Betrayal. Ignorance. Corruption. Incompetence. Apathy. Denial. Lying. Cheating. Stealing. I could go on and on. Whenever I observed or experienced these things, they stirred something deep within me. A sadness that felt ancient. A rage that simmered just beneath the surface.

Over time, that sadness and rage built to the point where I felt the need to protect myself from further hurt. It took me a long time to realize that I was living my life as if I had both arms extended out in front of me like stop signs. Somehow, I had come to believe that I needed to keep everyone and everything at arm’s length so no one could hurt me.

But that way of living came at a cost.

Have you ever noticed yourself doing something like this?

Learning Vulnerability

Then I began to understand the power of vulnerability not as a concept, but as a lived experience. I discovered that vulnerability is not weakness. It is the doorway to truth, connection, and freedom.

I came to see that in protecting myself from being hurt, I was also preventing myself from being known. In hiding, I cut myself off from love, belonging, and inner peace. I may have appeared strong on the outside, but something essential within me remained untouched.

Little by little, I practiced vulnerability and dissolved that barrier. Vulnerability asked something different of me. I needed the willingness to be seen as I am, without trying to manage how others might perceive me. I needed to tell the truth of my experience, even when that truth was imperfect, uncertain, or tender.

This became an entirely new way of being for me. It was as though I was rewiring my energy flow. Instead of having my discontent automatically flow into sadness, rage, and self-protection, I was consciously choosing to let down my guard and let life in.

A Different Way of Being

I found myself standing in reality rather than in my ideas about how life should be.

Something fundamental began to shift. The tectonic plates of my life were moving. My goal was no longer to sanitize my life of pain or discomfort. Of course, I still preferred ease over suffering, but not at the expense of closing myself off from what life had to teach me.

As I listened more deeply within, I found a different kind of truth and stability. It was not based on control, but was rooted in presence. I began to move out of fear and resistance and into a quiet sense of aliveness and wholeness as I learned to participate in my life.

I discovered how to harvest the wisdom hidden within some of my most difficult experiences. And I noticed that the more I was willing to lift my view above my preferences and judgments, the less I found myself resisting reality. In place of my objections came acceptance, cooperation, and understanding.

This is the hero’s journey of my life.

It is about learning to fully inhabit being me. And meeting life as it is, while doing the best I can to care for my own well-being no matter what unfolds. I no longer need to run away from my life or try to change it. I need to live it. I need to be at home right inside myself.

And when I still catch myself slipping into “If I were queen,” I smile and breathe into whatever it is that is scaring me. I remind myself that I am not here to rule the world. I am here to meet it, and to help others do the same.

There is nothing wrong with wanting the world to be better. The question is what it costs us when we resist the one we are actually living in.

Understanding my own life’s journey has deepened what I have to offer through my mentoring and writings. I call this approach the Consciousness Ecology Method™️. It is designed to help us navigate the beautiful, sacred messiness of being human.

If something in this speaks to you, you are warmly invited to explore this work more deeply here.

/by

Why Do I Feel Unsettled When Everything Is Fine?

You wake up, get out of bed, move through your morning routine, and nothing is technically wrong.

Your life is functioning.
Your calendar is full.
You are doing what needs to be done.

And yet, somewhere beneath the surface, there is a faint sense of unease.
Not dramatic.
Not urgent.
Just there.

You might not even have words for it. Only the feeling that something does not quite land the way it used to.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. And it does not mean anything is wrong with you.

When “Fine” Stops Feeling Fine

Many people reach a point where life looks good from the outside, yet feels strangely flat or unsettled on the inside.

There is no obvious problem to solve, which can make the experience even more confusing. You may tell yourself you should be grateful. You may dismiss the feeling or stay busy so you do not have to sit with it for long.

Still, the unsettled feeling lingers.

What is often happening is not that something is wrong, but that something inside you is asking for attention.

The Inner Dynamic at Play

Most of us are taught how to manage life far better than we are taught how to inhabit it.

We learn to meet expectations, fulfill roles, and keep things moving. Over time, this creates momentum. Momentum can carry us surprisingly far without requiring us to pause and check in with ourselves.

When external demands ease, or when we slow down enough to notice, the inner world finally speaks. That unsettled feeling is often the first signal that you have been living more from habit than from presence.

It is not a failure. It is awareness beginning to come online.

Three Insights That Can Shift How You See This Feeling

First, feeling unsettled does not mean something is wrong with you.

It often means something is becoming conscious. Awareness rarely arrives as clarity. It usually arrives as discomfort first.

Second, this feeling often appears at a growth edge.

When who you have been no longer fits, but what is next has not yet taken shape, the in-between can feel uneasy. That does not mean you are lost. It means you are in transition.

Third, trying to get rid of the feeling usually intensifies it.

When discomfort is labeled as a problem, the mind quickly shifts into fixing mode. Ironically, this is what keeps us disconnected. What this feeling usually needs is not correction, but curiosity.

A Story From Real Life

I have sat with many people who begin by saying some version of, “I do not know why I am here. Nothing is really wrong.”

And yet, as they speak, something softens when they finally allow themselves to name what they have been feeling. Relief does not come from solving anything. It comes from being met with understanding.

I have experienced this myself. There have been seasons when everything in my life looked stable and settled, yet I felt quietly off balance. Looking back, those moments marked important turning points. Not because I forced change, but because I stopped dismissing what I felt.

A Simple Next Step

If you recognize yourself in this, here is a simple practice to try over the coming week.

When that unsettled feeling shows up, pause.
Name it silently.
Instead of asking, “How do I make this go away?” ask, “What might this be inviting me to notice?”

No answers are required. Just attention.

Often, that alone begins to shift how we experience our lives.

A Closing Thought

You do not need to fix yourself to feel more at home in your life. What is often missing is attention, not improvement.

If this reflection resonated, you may enjoy exploring other posts in the Consciousness / Thriving section of my blog. And if you would like a deeper exploration of how inner awareness shapes our experience, you can also download my free guide, The Real Secret to True Happiness Lies Within.

Take what resonates. Leave the rest.
Judith

/by
,

Living From the Inside-Out

Have you ever noticed

that wherever you go,

whatever you do,

your attitude goes with you

and colors your experience?

This is why it is critically important that we raise the level of consciousness from which we are living our lives.

How? By choosing to be conscious and responsible for how we show up in the world instead of just functioning on autopilot.

We come to each moment of our life with a story that we are living in. Through our accumulated experiences we have constructed a signature way of being. There is a fairly predictable way that we will respond to new experiences.

Most of us could benefit from a bit of housecleaning of our fundamental beliefs and the mental and emotional dynamics that define our interior world.

In times of difficulty, self-observation and reflection often reveal that we have been living primarily through the filter of our ego. This means our perceptions have been characterized by:

  • Seeking safety, validation, and control rather than truth, presence, and love.
  • Unexamined unconscious beliefs, fears, and coping patterns that we inherited or developed.
  • Societal training that taught us to measure worth by achievement or perfection rather than the quality of our inner experience.

Here’s an example of stepping into conscious responsibility for the way we show up. My friend, Betty, and I had a falling out over a misunderstanding a few years ago. We each retreated to our own stubborn judgment that the other was at fault. Then, one day we ran into each other in a store. We smiled. We didn’t pretend not to see each other. We said hello. And we began to exchange pleasantries. Without ever explicitly saying so or hashing out the disturbance we had, we invited each other back into our lives. We just had to make caring and kindness more important that our self-righteous points of view.

Life is much more pleasant when we choose to rise above the perspective of our ego. Next time you suspect that you are caught up in a dysfunctional pattern of reaction, ask yourself some good questions like:

  • Is there another way I can look at this situation?
  • What else might be going on here other than my point of view?
  • Given the choice, is this really how I want to respond to this situation?

It helps to remember that we truly live our lives from the inside out. By getting to know ourselves and how and why we make the choices we make, we open up the possibility of upgrading the quality of consciousness we are expressing.

 

If you are interested in doing some mental and emotional housecleaning, I invite you to book a free 30-minute conversation with me to see if my mentoring services might be a good resource for you.

 

/by

The Game of Life

What Game Are You Really Playing?

The Origins of the Metaphor of Life As a Game

Since the 1600s, great thinkers have used the metaphor of life as a game or performance. Shakespeare famously wrote, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” This suggests that real people are like actors assuming alternative identities enacting various dramatic, tragic, and comedic scenarios.

Fast forward to 1925, and metaphysical teacher Florence Scovel Shinn gave the metaphor new spiritual significance in The Game of Life and How to Play It. She suggested that life isn’t random but a purposeful simulation through which souls evolve in a cosmic classroom of sorts. Expanding on this idea, some perceive life on Earth to be a simulation through which souls learn by assuming identities that are not ultimate truths but part of a temporary human experience. In this sense  life is intended as a journey in consciousness through which souls learn, evolve, and awaken.

Life As a Game

Much like a game, the journey of a lifetime involves choices, risks, outcomes, and a degree of chance. Indeed, we each make choices that have consequences and inform the possibilities to come.  The game of life is a temporary creative process with a beginning and an end. But, unlike a game, our life, once initiated is not optional. We will live it one way or another, even if we choose to end it prematurely.

What is the Nature of Your Game

If life is a game, what kind are you playing?

Are you:

  • Fighting for survival?

  • Competing for scarce resources?

  • Trying to make your dreams come true?

  • Seeking to expand your conscious awareness?

  • Awakening spiritually?

How would you describe the game of life that you are playing?

 

Your perception determines your playing field.

The game you see is the game you play. Some games are built around fear and lack. Others are quests for love, awakening, or understanding. Some perceive the games themselves to be hierarchical as in  Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. He theorizes that we must meet our basic survival needs before we can entertain other higher pursuits. As we achieve each level of desire and expertise, we gain the ability to perceive and participate in higher games. But not all of us will. Many are content to live life within the purview of the mind and ego pursuing the temporary sating of perceived material and emotional wants and needs.

 Or perhaps these games are multidimensional, where several “games” play out at once.

Multidimensional Games

I have come to experience myself as a soul pursuing a spiritual learning agenda while living life through the identity of Judith Johnson.

It has been my experience that I participate to some degree in multiple games simultaneously and to varying degrees. But I also notice an overarching trajectory whereby I have been focusing more and more of my attention on awakening my spiritual awareness and the process of transcending into soul awareness and beyond.

This typically requires inquiry beyond what is directly observable or measurable by the mind and senses. It delves into fundamental metaphysical questions about reality, existence, knowledge, the nature of being, consciousness, space, time, and causality.

As I elevate my game, what changes is largely a function of what I perceive to be real and what I value. For example, if I were a pickpocket seeing an angel, I would see pockets and if I were a critic I would look for something to criticize. But as I come to know God, other pursuits lose their pull.

Our difference in perception explains why people at different levels of awareness often misunderstand each other.

One interesting aspect of this multi-level game is that the more restricted our perceptual capabilities are the less we can comprehend or understand someone functioning from a different level of awareness. For example, Joe experiences life through his ego and denies the existence of God because he is looking at the world and asking, “how can a god let this kind of pain and suffering exist?” Through Joe’s eyes, Sam who speaks of experiencing God’s presence and love in his life appears naive. But Joe is making a common error. He is assuming that what he sees is reality itself rather than an interpreted reality perceived from a particular point of view.

One of life’s great lessons is that thinking something doesn’t make it true.

Another is that we assume that others perceive the same thing that we do.

So, What Game Are You Playing?

What do you value in your life? What do you believe is the purpose of your life? What are you seeking to experience or achieve?

Take a moment and ask yourself:

“How would I describe the game of life I’m playing?”
“What deeper game might be calling to me?”

When we begin to ask such questions, we move from being pawns of circumstance to conscious players in a sacred journey.

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

/by
,

The 5 Wisdom Teachings of the Oyster

The Metaphor of the Pearl

The oyster’s journey of pearl formation is a metaphor for overcoming adversity. Difficult situations can be the source of our greatest blessings and growth if we respond with courage and perseverance.

How and Why the Oyster Forms a Pearl

We tend to activate autopilot defense mechanisms to push away less than desirable experiences. Alternatively, consider how the oyster forms a pearl as a natural defense mechanism against irritants that get inside its shells.

When a foreign object makes its way into the oyster’s shell, it irritates the soft tissue surrounding the oyster’s internal organs. To protect itself, the oyster secretes layer upon layer of a substance called nacre (also known as mother-of-pearl). Slowly encasing the irritant, these secretions form a precious pearl of iridescent luster. 

The Oyster’s 5 Wisdom Teachings

Here’s how the wisdom of pearl formation can be applied in our lives:

Irritants as Catalysts: When we encounter challenges and adversity, we can use them as catalysts for positive change. Just as an irritant triggers the oyster’s response, we can engage in a process of personal transformation rather than trying to push away unwanted experiences. These challenges can teach us new skills of adaptation.

For example, when a relationship becomes unpleasant, seek to understand how the disturbance is being triggered inside of you rather than trying to eradicate the discord. Chances are the nature of the upset for you is probably familiar from past experiences. Use the current situation as a motivation to better understand the origins of this pattern of reactivity inside of you so you can  break free of it.

 

The Power of Response: The oyster’s response to an irritant involves surrounding it with a protective substance which in turn forms a precious pearl. Similarly, individuals have the ability to choose how to react to adversity. This can be an opportunity for growth.

For example, I recently watched my hot temper rise up in response to a situation where I felt I was being mistreated by a company I was doing business with. I caught myself in the act and took the time to figure out how to respond with simply my point of view and not my anger. That generated a better response than I even hoped for.

 

Transforming Pain: The oyster transforms the irritant into a pearl. This mirrors how individuals transform painful experiences into valuable lessons and inner strength. Overcoming challenges shapes individuals into stronger, more compassionate, and wiser people.

A client recently had a surprisingly unpleasant encounter with her grown    daughter. Rather than reacting in the moment, she chose to wait till we had a chance to unpack the situation together. We explored the fact that the daughter was being heavily influenced by her husband who had a dislike for my client. Rather than simply reacting to being hurt by her daughter, my client was able to see that she was doing the best she could in a difficult situation. As a result, she gained compassion for her daughter and a greater tolerance of the unpleasantries of life.

 

Hidden Treasures: The pearl emerges from within the irritant. The most valuable lessons and blessings in life are often within struggles. By persevering, individuals can discover these hidden treasures.

For example, I spent years in an intractable discord with my neighbors. Whenever it erupted, there was an urgency inside of me to get away from them as fast as possible. I finally noticed the depth of my pain was disproportionate to the situation itself. Looking inward, I realized this experience was triggering the feeling associated with an unresolved issue from my childhood. As a child that same feeling had been unbearable forcing me to run away from what was happening. The fear of experiencing that same feeling was being triggered with my neighbors. Once I recognized this, I was able to separate the two situations. I found myself appreciating that the current discord had brought me awareness of my old emotional fear still being active within me. By releasing that buried fear I was able to transform the nature of my relationship with my neighbors.

 

Embracing Adversity: The oyster must accept the irritant’s presence and work with it. Likewise, individuals must accept adversity as a natural part of life and navigate it with resilience. Embracing challenges provides opportunities for growth.

For example, I struggled with obesity for most of my life. I lived in shame, self-blame, and jealousy of naturally thin people. Finally, an endocrinologist discovered that I have an extremely low metabolism that is the real source of my body weight issues. Knowing that it wasn’t my fault liberated me. I was then able to find solutions that made it possible for me to maintain a healthy body weight and release my emotional baggage associated with this issue.

 

Life is full of surprises. Remember that pearls of great price are often created through friction. It is wise to build resilience by embracing all of life.

 

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

/by
,

Souls Onboard

 

Recognizing the Sacred in Every Life We Encounter

            In aviation and maritime communication, the term “souls onboard” is used during emergencies to communicate the number of living human beings onboard a vessel. It’s not just a headcount. It’s a recognition of lives, of beings, of souls. The language reminds us that those on board aren’t cargo or statistics. They are people. Whole lives. Each one sacred.

What If We Used This Lens in Our Lives

What if we moved through the world aware that everywhere we go, we are surrounded by souls onboard—fellow travelers navigating the skies of their own lives?

Every human being you pass on the street, meet in a meeting, sit beside on the bus, or scroll past online is a soul onboard this great collective journey we call life. And like you, they are trying to make sense of it. Some are stumbling. Some are shining. All are worthy.

It’s easy to forget this when we’re overwhelmed, annoyed, or afraid. It’s easy to reduce people to their behaviors, opinions, or affiliations. We mentally divide the world into “us” and “them.” We are inclined to categorize others based on whether they agree with us. We value some and avoid others. We believe some deserve kindness and others do not.

A Call to Recognition

If we are truly spiritual beings, as so many of us claim to believe, then we cannot make exceptions. The soul is the essence of every person, regardless of how they show up. And while not all behaviors are acceptable, every being is a soul onboard.

This is not a call to spiritual bypassing or naïve tolerance. It’s a call to recognition. It is a reminder that behind every face is a complex, feeling, sacred being, shaped by stories we cannot see.

What Would Shift in Our Lives If We Truly Saw This?

  • What if the person who cut you off in traffic wasn’t just a jerk but a soul in distress?
  • What if the relative who pushes all your buttons was seen as a soul still finding their way through their own distorted perceptions and wounds?
  • What if we experienced our disturbances with others as an invitation to practice reverence, not just reaction?
  • What if we went so far as to see that person who irritates us or the one we fear as Jesus or Buddha testing our ability to love and honor each other?

We don’t need a spiritual emergency to remind us of our shared humanity. We can bring that awareness into each ordinary day.

 

Here we are, all of us,

doing the best we know how.

Some of us rising. Some of us hurting.

Some of us lonely. Some behaving badly.

Each of us trying to love, to be loved.

To belong, to matter.

We may not understand each other. We may not always agree. But we are traveling together.

So let’s tread gently. Speak kindly. Extend compassion and respect not just to those we love, but to those we don’t yet understand.

Every soul counts.

Every soul is worthy.

And every soul is onboard.

 

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

 

/by

Consciousness Ecology: Inner Clarity In a Noisy World

 

Our world is overflowing with the noise of media, other people’s opinions, and the demands and distractions in our lives. It’s easy to lose touch with our own inner compass. Yet, amid this external chaos lies an extraordinary opportunity: to cultivate inner clarity through a practice I call Consciousness Ecology.

What Is Consciousness Ecology?

Consciousness Ecology is the art and practice of tending to your inner environment. Just as an ecosystem depends on balance, so too does your state of mind and heart. This practice invites us to look inward and examine the beliefs, stories, habits, and emotional patterns that silently shape how we see the world and navigate our lives.

As Plotinus wisely said, “Withdraw into yourself and look.” Consciousness Ecology is this very invitation—to return inward and tend to the landscape within.

Why It Matters

Many of us carry internal “clutter” from unresolved experiences, outdated beliefs, and unconscious fears. These internal dynamics distort how we interpret situations, how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves. Over time, we may find ourselves reacting to life rather than engaging with it consciously.

We are not victims of our conditioning unless we choose to be. Consciousness Ecology offers us a pathway out of unconscious living and into empowered awareness.

5 Core Practices of Consciousness Ecology

  • Releasing Unresolved Perceptions
    Let go of emotional residue from the past that clouds your ability to be present.

  • Reframing Your Perspective
    Learn to reinterpret events through a more compassionate, expansive lens.

  • Redefining Inner Values
    Reassess what you value and fear and update the filters that shape your worldview.

  • Practicing Healthier Ways of Being
    Integrate new thought and behavior patterns that support emotional well-being.

  • Exploring Expanded States of Consciousness
    Open to the higher frequencies of awareness that are available to all of us.

The Role of Your Attitude Filter

Think of your mind as equipped with an “Attitude Filter” that functions as a gateway that processes everything you see, hear, and experience. This filter is shaped by family conditioning, cultural messages, past wounds, and personal conclusions. If it becomes too clouded, it distorts your view of reality.

By conducting regular mental and emotional audits such as  journaling, self-reflection, or using guided questions you begin to “clean the filter.” Over time, your perception becomes clearer, your reactions more grounded, and your choices more aligned.

A Gentle Audit for Greater Awareness

When you feel stuck, reactive, or off-center, pause and explore:

  • What am I believing in this moment?

  • Is that belief absolutely true?

  • What feeling or past experience might be fueling this reaction?

  • What might I choose to believe or feel instead?

Awareness, curiosity, and self-compassion are your allies in this process.

From Reaction to Reintegration

Much of our inner struggle stems from exiled parts of ourselves. We may have pushed away shame, fear, anger, or grief because we didn’t have the tools to face them. Through Consciousness Ecology, we return to these parts with kindness, and welcome them home.

As spiritual teacher Robert Waterman describes, healing comes through reintegration. We remember who we are, not in fragments, but as a whole being capable of healing, clarity, and peace.

Making Consciousness Ecology a Way of Life

Like brushing your teeth or nourishing your body, Consciousness Ecology is a form of hygiene for the mind and heart. It doesn’t eliminate life’s challenges, but it prepares you to meet them with resilience and presence.

You might begin by:

  • Starting a weekly self-reflection journal

  • Holding regular emotional “check-ins” with a partner or trusted friend

  • Noticing and shifting negative self-talk in real time

  • Asking: What energy am I bringing to this moment?

The more consistently you practice, the more you will experience clarity, peace, and personal power.

The Invitation

You don’t need to wait for a crisis to begin. You can start today. Look within. Ask the questions. Listen to your inner world. Reclaim your clarity and wholeness.

Your inner environment shapes your outer life. 

Nurture it well.               

 

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?
If so, please share it with them. 
 

/by

When Your Dreams Don’t Come True

How often are you disappointed? Do your disappointments tend to be about life-altering things or just not getting what you want in daily life? Just because we want something doesn’t mean it will or should show up in our life.

The problem with dissatisfaction is not what you didn’t get.  It’s what you created in terms of negative thoughts and feelings about it.

Acceptance is the key here because it allows you to move on to figuring out what to do next rather than being upset about what didn’t happen.

A 12-year-old contestant on America’s Got Talent taught me a powerful lesson about this recently. While singing her heart out, she was interrupted when Simon Cowell stopped the music. He told her the background track was awful and would she please sing her song a cappella. She looked like a deer in the headlights and after a moment simply said, “Well, that just happened!” She regained her composure and sang beautifully. 

There is a fundamental dynamic that occurs when we encounter disappointment. As depicted below, Point A is where you are and Point B is your unfulfilled dream.

When reality falls short of your desires, do you accept that? Or, does your mind create a static of negative thoughts and feelings as it tries to connect the dots. When we are attached to our desires, we get caught in the dissonance of trying to bridge the gap between where we are and where we want to be. 

Alternatively, like the girl mentioned above, we can acknowledge where we are, gather our composure and capabilities, and do our best in the moment. This way we don’t postpone and limit our potential happiness by being attached to a particular dream coming true. Maybe there is a better dream trying to come forward. 

No matter how much you want your dream, holding onto it too tightly diminishes your ability to do your best with what is so for you in the present moment. Here’s a typical example. Cynthia is in her early thirties and has always wanted to get married and have children. She is aware of her biological clock ticking away and is distressed that she hasn’t yet found a partner. She believes she has done everything “right” to make her dream come true, yet she remains alone and sees her chance to fulfill this dream slipping away. 

Holding on too tightly to her dream has prevented her from appreciating the life she has. Some part of her believes she can only be really happy if her dream comes true. The flaw in her approach is that she is preventing herself from finding happiness in her actual life.

When you hold reality up to the standard of an unfulfilled dream, it will always fall short and be a disappointment.

A perpetual state of disappointment can easily lead to depression and despair. I’ve had clients who were so devastated by their unfulfilled dreams that they numbed themselves from feeling their despair. Some got caught in substance addictions. Others distracted themselves with unrealistic To-Do Lists and saying “Yes” to whatever anyone else wanted them to do, just to avoid feeling their accumulated misery. 

It is critically important to be honest with yourself about how you feel. Doing so will bring you home to the present moment. I often suggest that clients throw themselves a pity party for 10 minutes or so and really wallow in their misery. Give voice to it and cry a river if you need to. Just do so with the intention of releasing the pent up and unexpressed disappointment. Then, get on with being where you are in your life and making delicious lemonade out whatever lemons you think life has dealt you. 

One typical illulsion some of us get caught up in is the belief that our lives should be easier than they are. We often make an assumption that getting from here to there will be uneventful and easy. Chances are it won’t be. Life is full of twists and turns. 

Assumptions and expectations often blind us from what is actually going on in our lives.

Take your life as it comes. Do your best. Let it be a great adventure. Keep your focus on the present.  Respond to the reality of your life rather than trying to force your dreams to come true. 

My spiritual teacher, John-Roger, taught me to express my hopes and dreams in a prayerful way that asks, “May this or something greater that is for my highest good come forward.” Then, let it go, and put one foot in front of the other, staying present in my life. 

***

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?
If so, please share it with them. 
/by

What Are You Afraid Of?

Fear is a Fantasy Expectation Appearing Real. 

Fear can get triggered in many ways. Some people are afraid of dogs or snakes or spiders, for example. Others fear experiencing such emotional states as humiliation, rejection, shame, loneliness, and failure. Still others fear such life occurrences as poverty, serious illness, or death. 

Whether your fear is a momentary reaction or a sustained state of being, energetically, fear is a contraction. It is also a figment of the imagination.

What we are afraid of may be real, but our fear itself is something we make up in the theater of our mind and act as though it is real. 

It helps to understand what happens in our bodies when we become afraid and to know that we have the power to interrupt this response. Bruce Lipton is a cell biologist whose work contributes to bridging the gap between science and spirit. He explains that fear literally contracts our energy. It paralyzes us from thoughtfully and compassionately responding to the object of our fear. He explains:

When we are in a happy state, we are in a state of growth. When we get afraid, we get in a state of protection. And when we get in a state of protection, it completely changes the blood flow to the body, because when you are in a state of growth, you are nourishing the viscera, which is really the organs that take care of maintaining our health, etc. 

But when we start to get afraid, we want to send the blood to the arms and legs  because the arms and legs are what we are going to use for fight or flight to escape the issue or deal with the problem. So the hormones and stress cause the blood vessels in the gut to squeeze shut, which forces the extra blood to go to the periphery where we are going to nourish that fight or flight behavior. 

Well, interesting enough, the same hormones affect blood vessels in the brain, because when we are in a state of happiness and growth, we are using our conscious reasoning and our thinking and our logical thought. But in a state of a reaction to a threat, conscious reasoning is not very helpful, because it is a very slow process.

So, basically what happens is in the presence of stress hormones, blood vessels in the forebrain, which is the center of conscious reasoning and logic, are squeezed shut just like the blood vessels in the gut, and this forces the blood to go to the hindbrain.

Well, the hindbrain is reflex and reactive behavior, so basically it says from the moment you get under stress you actually shut down the thinking processes of the conscious mind and open up the reactive, reactionary processes of the hindbrain. . .
Simply put: when we are under stress, we become less intelligent.

Clearly, some fear reactions are justifiable, such as coming face-to-face with a big bear. In other cases, we can learn to retrain our fear response. Fear does not necessarily have to incapacitate us.

Consider the following two fear reactions by contestants on a recent show of America’s Got Talent. Both were singing their hearts out seeking their big break. Each was faced with an alarming experience. Simon Cowell interrupted them and asked them to sing a different song. The 30-year-old young man was like a deer in the headlights. Simon offered him the opportunity to come back later in the day which he eventually did successfully. But in the moment, he just stood there speechless and unable to think what to do. In contrast, the eight-year-old girl who was similarly interrupted by Simon was also stunned initially. Simon offered her some water and she smiled and said, “Well, that just happened!” She composed herself and sang another song.

In the moment of our fear being triggered, we can unconsciously allow our physiological response described above to kick in and take over. Or, we can do what that little girl did. She overrode her autopilot response by acknowledging that something unpleasant happened and then affirmed that she was OK. 

Here are 5 simple steps to retrain your reaction to things you fear:

  1. Observe yourself. Play detective and watch to see exactly what you do when you get afraid. Notice what triggers your fear.
  2. Interrupt your autopilot response. Practice noticing when your fears kick in. Stay conscious. Don’t lose your mind.
  3. Choose to be OK. Ask yourself, “How else might I respond to this other than being afraid?” Practice telling yourself that you can manage the situation. You can be simultaneously afraid and OK. 
  4. Downgrade your fear. As you practice being OK when you are afraid, your fears will lose their power. Build trust in your ability to cope in the presence of stress.
  5. Repeat. Building new response patterns requires repetition. Be patient and keep doing this consciously until it becomes your new autopilot response.

For further insight into mastering the art of being you, read more here.  

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?
If so, please share it with them. 
/by