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Why Do I Feel Unsettled When Everything Is Fine?

You wake up, get out of bed, move through your morning routine, and nothing is technically wrong.

Your life is functioning.
Your calendar is full.
You are doing what needs to be done.

And yet, somewhere beneath the surface, there is a faint sense of unease.
Not dramatic.
Not urgent.
Just there.

You might not even have words for it. Only the feeling that something does not quite land the way it used to.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. And it does not mean anything is wrong with you.

When “Fine” Stops Feeling Fine

Many people reach a point where life looks good from the outside, yet feels strangely flat or unsettled on the inside.

There is no obvious problem to solve, which can make the experience even more confusing. You may tell yourself you should be grateful. You may dismiss the feeling or stay busy so you do not have to sit with it for long.

Still, the unsettled feeling lingers.

What is often happening is not that something is wrong, but that something inside you is asking for attention.

The Inner Dynamic at Play

Most of us are taught how to manage life far better than we are taught how to inhabit it.

We learn to meet expectations, fulfill roles, and keep things moving. Over time, this creates momentum. Momentum can carry us surprisingly far without requiring us to pause and check in with ourselves.

When external demands ease, or when we slow down enough to notice, the inner world finally speaks. That unsettled feeling is often the first signal that you have been living more from habit than from presence.

It is not a failure. It is awareness beginning to come online.

Three Insights That Can Shift How You See This Feeling

First, feeling unsettled does not mean something is wrong with you.

It often means something is becoming conscious. Awareness rarely arrives as clarity. It usually arrives as discomfort first.

Second, this feeling often appears at a growth edge.

When who you have been no longer fits, but what is next has not yet taken shape, the in-between can feel uneasy. That does not mean you are lost. It means you are in transition.

Third, trying to get rid of the feeling usually intensifies it.

When discomfort is labeled as a problem, the mind quickly shifts into fixing mode. Ironically, this is what keeps us disconnected. What this feeling usually needs is not correction, but curiosity.

A Story From Real Life

I have sat with many people who begin by saying some version of, “I do not know why I am here. Nothing is really wrong.”

And yet, as they speak, something softens when they finally allow themselves to name what they have been feeling. Relief does not come from solving anything. It comes from being met with understanding.

I have experienced this myself. There have been seasons when everything in my life looked stable and settled, yet I felt quietly off balance. Looking back, those moments marked important turning points. Not because I forced change, but because I stopped dismissing what I felt.

A Simple Next Step

If you recognize yourself in this, here is a simple practice to try over the coming week.

When that unsettled feeling shows up, pause.
Name it silently.
Instead of asking, “How do I make this go away?” ask, “What might this be inviting me to notice?”

No answers are required. Just attention.

Often, that alone begins to shift how we experience our lives.

A Closing Thought

You do not need to fix yourself to feel more at home in your life. What is often missing is attention, not improvement.

If this reflection resonated, you may enjoy exploring other posts in the Consciousness / Thriving section of my blog. And if you would like a deeper exploration of how inner awareness shapes our experience, you can also download my free guide, The Real Secret to True Happiness Lies Within.

Take what resonates. Leave the rest.
Judith

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Living From the Inside-Out

Have you ever noticed

that wherever you go,

whatever you do,

your attitude goes with you

and colors your experience?

This is why it is critically important that we raise the level of consciousness from which we are living our lives.

How? By choosing to be conscious and responsible for how we show up in the world instead of just functioning on autopilot.

We come to each moment of our life with a story that we are living in. Through our accumulated experiences we have constructed a signature way of being. There is a fairly predictable way that we will respond to new experiences.

Most of us could benefit from a bit of housecleaning of our fundamental beliefs and the mental and emotional dynamics that define our interior world.

In times of difficulty, self-observation and reflection often reveal that we have been living primarily through the filter of our ego. This means our perceptions have been characterized by:

  • Seeking safety, validation, and control rather than truth, presence, and love.
  • Unexamined unconscious beliefs, fears, and coping patterns that we inherited or developed.
  • Societal training that taught us to measure worth by achievement or perfection rather than the quality of our inner experience.

Here’s an example of stepping into conscious responsibility for the way we show up. My friend, Betty, and I had a falling out over a misunderstanding a few years ago. We each retreated to our own stubborn judgment that the other was at fault. Then, one day we ran into each other in a store. We smiled. We didn’t pretend not to see each other. We said hello. And we began to exchange pleasantries. Without ever explicitly saying so or hashing out the disturbance we had, we invited each other back into our lives. We just had to make caring and kindness more important that our self-righteous points of view.

Life is much more pleasant when we choose to rise above the perspective of our ego. Next time you suspect that you are caught up in a dysfunctional pattern of reaction, ask yourself some good questions like:

  • Is there another way I can look at this situation?
  • What else might be going on here other than my point of view?
  • Given the choice, is this really how I want to respond to this situation?

It helps to remember that we truly live our lives from the inside out. By getting to know ourselves and how and why we make the choices we make, we open up the possibility of upgrading the quality of consciousness we are expressing.

 

If you are interested in doing some mental and emotional housecleaning, I invite you to book a free 30-minute conversation with me to see if my mentoring services might be a good resource for you.

 

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The Game of Life

What Game Are You Really Playing?

The Origins of the Metaphor of Life As a Game

Since the 1600s, great thinkers have used the metaphor of life as a game or performance. Shakespeare famously wrote, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” This suggests that real people are like actors assuming alternative identities enacting various dramatic, tragic, and comedic scenarios.

Fast forward to 1925, and metaphysical teacher Florence Scovel Shinn gave the metaphor new spiritual significance in The Game of Life and How to Play It. She suggested that life isn’t random but a purposeful simulation through which souls evolve in a cosmic classroom of sorts. Expanding on this idea, some perceive life on Earth to be a simulation through which souls learn by assuming identities that are not ultimate truths but part of a temporary human experience. In this sense  life is intended as a journey in consciousness through which souls learn, evolve, and awaken.

Life As a Game

Much like a game, the journey of a lifetime involves choices, risks, outcomes, and a degree of chance. Indeed, we each make choices that have consequences and inform the possibilities to come.  The game of life is a temporary creative process with a beginning and an end. But, unlike a game, our life, once initiated is not optional. We will live it one way or another, even if we choose to end it prematurely.

What is the Nature of Your Game

If life is a game, what kind are you playing?

Are you:

  • Fighting for survival?

  • Competing for scarce resources?

  • Trying to make your dreams come true?

  • Seeking to expand your conscious awareness?

  • Awakening spiritually?

How would you describe the game of life that you are playing?

 

Your perception determines your playing field.

The game you see is the game you play. Some games are built around fear and lack. Others are quests for love, awakening, or understanding. Some perceive the games themselves to be hierarchical as in  Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. He theorizes that we must meet our basic survival needs before we can entertain other higher pursuits. As we achieve each level of desire and expertise, we gain the ability to perceive and participate in higher games. But not all of us will. Many are content to live life within the purview of the mind and ego pursuing the temporary sating of perceived material and emotional wants and needs.

 Or perhaps these games are multidimensional, where several “games” play out at once.

Multidimensional Games

I have come to experience myself as a soul pursuing a spiritual learning agenda while living life through the identity of Judith Johnson.

It has been my experience that I participate to some degree in multiple games simultaneously and to varying degrees. But I also notice an overarching trajectory whereby I have been focusing more and more of my attention on awakening my spiritual awareness and the process of transcending into soul awareness and beyond.

This typically requires inquiry beyond what is directly observable or measurable by the mind and senses. It delves into fundamental metaphysical questions about reality, existence, knowledge, the nature of being, consciousness, space, time, and causality.

As I elevate my game, what changes is largely a function of what I perceive to be real and what I value. For example, if I were a pickpocket seeing an angel, I would see pockets and if I were a critic I would look for something to criticize. But as I come to know God, other pursuits lose their pull.

Our difference in perception explains why people at different levels of awareness often misunderstand each other.

One interesting aspect of this multi-level game is that the more restricted our perceptual capabilities are the less we can comprehend or understand someone functioning from a different level of awareness. For example, Joe experiences life through his ego and denies the existence of God because he is looking at the world and asking, “how can a god let this kind of pain and suffering exist?” Through Joe’s eyes, Sam who speaks of experiencing God’s presence and love in his life appears naive. But Joe is making a common error. He is assuming that what he sees is reality itself rather than an interpreted reality perceived from a particular point of view.

One of life’s great lessons is that thinking something doesn’t make it true.

Another is that we assume that others perceive the same thing that we do.

So, What Game Are You Playing?

What do you value in your life? What do you believe is the purpose of your life? What are you seeking to experience or achieve?

Take a moment and ask yourself:

“How would I describe the game of life I’m playing?”
“What deeper game might be calling to me?”

When we begin to ask such questions, we move from being pawns of circumstance to conscious players in a sacred journey.

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

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The 5 Wisdom Teachings of the Oyster

The Metaphor of the Pearl

The oyster’s journey of pearl formation is a metaphor for overcoming adversity. Difficult situations can be the source of our greatest blessings and growth if we respond with courage and perseverance.

How and Why the Oyster Forms a Pearl

We tend to activate autopilot defense mechanisms to push away less than desirable experiences. Alternatively, consider how the oyster forms a pearl as a natural defense mechanism against irritants that get inside its shells.

When a foreign object makes its way into the oyster’s shell, it irritates the soft tissue surrounding the oyster’s internal organs. To protect itself, the oyster secretes layer upon layer of a substance called nacre (also known as mother-of-pearl). Slowly encasing the irritant, these secretions form a precious pearl of iridescent luster. 

The Oyster’s 5 Wisdom Teachings

Here’s how the wisdom of pearl formation can be applied in our lives:

Irritants as Catalysts: When we encounter challenges and adversity, we can use them as catalysts for positive change. Just as an irritant triggers the oyster’s response, we can engage in a process of personal transformation rather than trying to push away unwanted experiences. These challenges can teach us new skills of adaptation.

For example, when a relationship becomes unpleasant, seek to understand how the disturbance is being triggered inside of you rather than trying to eradicate the discord. Chances are the nature of the upset for you is probably familiar from past experiences. Use the current situation as a motivation to better understand the origins of this pattern of reactivity inside of you so you can  break free of it.

 

The Power of Response: The oyster’s response to an irritant involves surrounding it with a protective substance which in turn forms a precious pearl. Similarly, individuals have the ability to choose how to react to adversity. This can be an opportunity for growth.

For example, I recently watched my hot temper rise up in response to a situation where I felt I was being mistreated by a company I was doing business with. I caught myself in the act and took the time to figure out how to respond with simply my point of view and not my anger. That generated a better response than I even hoped for.

 

Transforming Pain: The oyster transforms the irritant into a pearl. This mirrors how individuals transform painful experiences into valuable lessons and inner strength. Overcoming challenges shapes individuals into stronger, more compassionate, and wiser people.

A client recently had a surprisingly unpleasant encounter with her grown    daughter. Rather than reacting in the moment, she chose to wait till we had a chance to unpack the situation together. We explored the fact that the daughter was being heavily influenced by her husband who had a dislike for my client. Rather than simply reacting to being hurt by her daughter, my client was able to see that she was doing the best she could in a difficult situation. As a result, she gained compassion for her daughter and a greater tolerance of the unpleasantries of life.

 

Hidden Treasures: The pearl emerges from within the irritant. The most valuable lessons and blessings in life are often within struggles. By persevering, individuals can discover these hidden treasures.

For example, I spent years in an intractable discord with my neighbors. Whenever it erupted, there was an urgency inside of me to get away from them as fast as possible. I finally noticed the depth of my pain was disproportionate to the situation itself. Looking inward, I realized this experience was triggering the feeling associated with an unresolved issue from my childhood. As a child that same feeling had been unbearable forcing me to run away from what was happening. The fear of experiencing that same feeling was being triggered with my neighbors. Once I recognized this, I was able to separate the two situations. I found myself appreciating that the current discord had brought me awareness of my old emotional fear still being active within me. By releasing that buried fear I was able to transform the nature of my relationship with my neighbors.

 

Embracing Adversity: The oyster must accept the irritant’s presence and work with it. Likewise, individuals must accept adversity as a natural part of life and navigate it with resilience. Embracing challenges provides opportunities for growth.

For example, I struggled with obesity for most of my life. I lived in shame, self-blame, and jealousy of naturally thin people. Finally, an endocrinologist discovered that I have an extremely low metabolism that is the real source of my body weight issues. Knowing that it wasn’t my fault liberated me. I was then able to find solutions that made it possible for me to maintain a healthy body weight and release my emotional baggage associated with this issue.

 

Life is full of surprises. Remember that pearls of great price are often created through friction. It is wise to build resilience by embracing all of life.

 

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

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Souls Onboard

 

Recognizing the Sacred in Every Life We Encounter

            In aviation and maritime communication, the term “souls onboard” is used during emergencies to communicate the number of living human beings onboard a vessel. It’s not just a headcount. It’s a recognition of lives, of beings, of souls. The language reminds us that those on board aren’t cargo or statistics. They are people. Whole lives. Each one sacred.

What If We Used This Lens in Our Lives

What if we moved through the world aware that everywhere we go, we are surrounded by souls onboard—fellow travelers navigating the skies of their own lives?

Every human being you pass on the street, meet in a meeting, sit beside on the bus, or scroll past online is a soul onboard this great collective journey we call life. And like you, they are trying to make sense of it. Some are stumbling. Some are shining. All are worthy.

It’s easy to forget this when we’re overwhelmed, annoyed, or afraid. It’s easy to reduce people to their behaviors, opinions, or affiliations. We mentally divide the world into “us” and “them.” We are inclined to categorize others based on whether they agree with us. We value some and avoid others. We believe some deserve kindness and others do not.

A Call to Recognition

If we are truly spiritual beings, as so many of us claim to believe, then we cannot make exceptions. The soul is the essence of every person, regardless of how they show up. And while not all behaviors are acceptable, every being is a soul onboard.

This is not a call to spiritual bypassing or naïve tolerance. It’s a call to recognition. It is a reminder that behind every face is a complex, feeling, sacred being, shaped by stories we cannot see.

What Would Shift in Our Lives If We Truly Saw This?

  • What if the person who cut you off in traffic wasn’t just a jerk but a soul in distress?
  • What if the relative who pushes all your buttons was seen as a soul still finding their way through their own distorted perceptions and wounds?
  • What if we experienced our disturbances with others as an invitation to practice reverence, not just reaction?
  • What if we went so far as to see that person who irritates us or the one we fear as Jesus or Buddha testing our ability to love and honor each other?

We don’t need a spiritual emergency to remind us of our shared humanity. We can bring that awareness into each ordinary day.

 

Here we are, all of us,

doing the best we know how.

Some of us rising. Some of us hurting.

Some of us lonely. Some behaving badly.

Each of us trying to love, to be loved.

To belong, to matter.

We may not understand each other. We may not always agree. But we are traveling together.

So let’s tread gently. Speak kindly. Extend compassion and respect not just to those we love, but to those we don’t yet understand.

Every soul counts.

Every soul is worthy.

And every soul is onboard.

 

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

 

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Consciousness Ecology: Inner Clarity In a Noisy World

 

Our world is overflowing with the noise of media, other people’s opinions, and the demands and distractions in our lives. It’s easy to lose touch with our own inner compass. Yet, amid this external chaos lies an extraordinary opportunity: to cultivate inner clarity through a practice I call Consciousness Ecology.

What Is Consciousness Ecology?

Consciousness Ecology is the art and practice of tending to your inner environment. Just as an ecosystem depends on balance, so too does your state of mind and heart. This practice invites us to look inward and examine the beliefs, stories, habits, and emotional patterns that silently shape how we see the world and navigate our lives.

As Plotinus wisely said, “Withdraw into yourself and look.” Consciousness Ecology is this very invitation—to return inward and tend to the landscape within.

Why It Matters

Many of us carry internal “clutter” from unresolved experiences, outdated beliefs, and unconscious fears. These internal dynamics distort how we interpret situations, how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves. Over time, we may find ourselves reacting to life rather than engaging with it consciously.

We are not victims of our conditioning unless we choose to be. Consciousness Ecology offers us a pathway out of unconscious living and into empowered awareness.

5 Core Practices of Consciousness Ecology

  • Releasing Unresolved Perceptions
    Let go of emotional residue from the past that clouds your ability to be present.

  • Reframing Your Perspective
    Learn to reinterpret events through a more compassionate, expansive lens.

  • Redefining Inner Values
    Reassess what you value and fear and update the filters that shape your worldview.

  • Practicing Healthier Ways of Being
    Integrate new thought and behavior patterns that support emotional well-being.

  • Exploring Expanded States of Consciousness
    Open to the higher frequencies of awareness that are available to all of us.

The Role of Your Attitude Filter

Think of your mind as equipped with an “Attitude Filter” that functions as a gateway that processes everything you see, hear, and experience. This filter is shaped by family conditioning, cultural messages, past wounds, and personal conclusions. If it becomes too clouded, it distorts your view of reality.

By conducting regular mental and emotional audits such as  journaling, self-reflection, or using guided questions you begin to “clean the filter.” Over time, your perception becomes clearer, your reactions more grounded, and your choices more aligned.

A Gentle Audit for Greater Awareness

When you feel stuck, reactive, or off-center, pause and explore:

  • What am I believing in this moment?

  • Is that belief absolutely true?

  • What feeling or past experience might be fueling this reaction?

  • What might I choose to believe or feel instead?

Awareness, curiosity, and self-compassion are your allies in this process.

From Reaction to Reintegration

Much of our inner struggle stems from exiled parts of ourselves. We may have pushed away shame, fear, anger, or grief because we didn’t have the tools to face them. Through Consciousness Ecology, we return to these parts with kindness, and welcome them home.

As spiritual teacher Robert Waterman describes, healing comes through reintegration. We remember who we are, not in fragments, but as a whole being capable of healing, clarity, and peace.

Making Consciousness Ecology a Way of Life

Like brushing your teeth or nourishing your body, Consciousness Ecology is a form of hygiene for the mind and heart. It doesn’t eliminate life’s challenges, but it prepares you to meet them with resilience and presence.

You might begin by:

  • Starting a weekly self-reflection journal

  • Holding regular emotional “check-ins” with a partner or trusted friend

  • Noticing and shifting negative self-talk in real time

  • Asking: What energy am I bringing to this moment?

The more consistently you practice, the more you will experience clarity, peace, and personal power.

The Invitation

You don’t need to wait for a crisis to begin. You can start today. Look within. Ask the questions. Listen to your inner world. Reclaim your clarity and wholeness.

Your inner environment shapes your outer life. 

Nurture it well.               

 

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?
If so, please share it with them. 
 

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When Your Dreams Don’t Come True

How often are you disappointed? Do your disappointments tend to be about life-altering things or just not getting what you want in daily life? Just because we want something doesn’t mean it will or should show up in our life.

The problem with dissatisfaction is not what you didn’t get.  It’s what you created in terms of negative thoughts and feelings about it.

Acceptance is the key here because it allows you to move on to figuring out what to do next rather than being upset about what didn’t happen.

A 12-year-old contestant on America’s Got Talent taught me a powerful lesson about this recently. While singing her heart out, she was interrupted when Simon Cowell stopped the music. He told her the background track was awful and would she please sing her song a cappella. She looked like a deer in the headlights and after a moment simply said, “Well, that just happened!” She regained her composure and sang beautifully. 

There is a fundamental dynamic that occurs when we encounter disappointment. As depicted below, Point A is where you are and Point B is your unfulfilled dream.

When reality falls short of your desires, do you accept that? Or, does your mind create a static of negative thoughts and feelings as it tries to connect the dots. When we are attached to our desires, we get caught in the dissonance of trying to bridge the gap between where we are and where we want to be. 

Alternatively, like the girl mentioned above, we can acknowledge where we are, gather our composure and capabilities, and do our best in the moment. This way we don’t postpone and limit our potential happiness by being attached to a particular dream coming true. Maybe there is a better dream trying to come forward. 

No matter how much you want your dream, holding onto it too tightly diminishes your ability to do your best with what is so for you in the present moment. Here’s a typical example. Cynthia is in her early thirties and has always wanted to get married and have children. She is aware of her biological clock ticking away and is distressed that she hasn’t yet found a partner. She believes she has done everything “right” to make her dream come true, yet she remains alone and sees her chance to fulfill this dream slipping away. 

Holding on too tightly to her dream has prevented her from appreciating the life she has. Some part of her believes she can only be really happy if her dream comes true. The flaw in her approach is that she is preventing herself from finding happiness in her actual life.

When you hold reality up to the standard of an unfulfilled dream, it will always fall short and be a disappointment.

A perpetual state of disappointment can easily lead to depression and despair. I’ve had clients who were so devastated by their unfulfilled dreams that they numbed themselves from feeling their despair. Some got caught in substance addictions. Others distracted themselves with unrealistic To-Do Lists and saying “Yes” to whatever anyone else wanted them to do, just to avoid feeling their accumulated misery. 

It is critically important to be honest with yourself about how you feel. Doing so will bring you home to the present moment. I often suggest that clients throw themselves a pity party for 10 minutes or so and really wallow in their misery. Give voice to it and cry a river if you need to. Just do so with the intention of releasing the pent up and unexpressed disappointment. Then, get on with being where you are in your life and making delicious lemonade out whatever lemons you think life has dealt you. 

One typical illulsion some of us get caught up in is the belief that our lives should be easier than they are. We often make an assumption that getting from here to there will be uneventful and easy. Chances are it won’t be. Life is full of twists and turns. 

Assumptions and expectations often blind us from what is actually going on in our lives.

Take your life as it comes. Do your best. Let it be a great adventure. Keep your focus on the present.  Respond to the reality of your life rather than trying to force your dreams to come true. 

My spiritual teacher, John-Roger, taught me to express my hopes and dreams in a prayerful way that asks, “May this or something greater that is for my highest good come forward.” Then, let it go, and put one foot in front of the other, staying present in my life. 

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If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?
If so, please share it with them. 
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What Are You Afraid Of?

Fear is a Fantasy Expectation Appearing Real. 

Fear can get triggered in many ways. Some people are afraid of dogs or snakes or spiders, for example. Others fear experiencing such emotional states as humiliation, rejection, shame, loneliness, and failure. Still others fear such life occurrences as poverty, serious illness, or death. 

Whether your fear is a momentary reaction or a sustained state of being, energetically, fear is a contraction. It is also a figment of the imagination.

What we are afraid of may be real, but our fear itself is something we make up in the theater of our mind and act as though it is real. 

It helps to understand what happens in our bodies when we become afraid and to know that we have the power to interrupt this response. Bruce Lipton is a cell biologist whose work contributes to bridging the gap between science and spirit. He explains that fear literally contracts our energy. It paralyzes us from thoughtfully and compassionately responding to the object of our fear. He explains:

When we are in a happy state, we are in a state of growth. When we get afraid, we get in a state of protection. And when we get in a state of protection, it completely changes the blood flow to the body, because when you are in a state of growth, you are nourishing the viscera, which is really the organs that take care of maintaining our health, etc. 

But when we start to get afraid, we want to send the blood to the arms and legs  because the arms and legs are what we are going to use for fight or flight to escape the issue or deal with the problem. So the hormones and stress cause the blood vessels in the gut to squeeze shut, which forces the extra blood to go to the periphery where we are going to nourish that fight or flight behavior. 

Well, interesting enough, the same hormones affect blood vessels in the brain, because when we are in a state of happiness and growth, we are using our conscious reasoning and our thinking and our logical thought. But in a state of a reaction to a threat, conscious reasoning is not very helpful, because it is a very slow process.

So, basically what happens is in the presence of stress hormones, blood vessels in the forebrain, which is the center of conscious reasoning and logic, are squeezed shut just like the blood vessels in the gut, and this forces the blood to go to the hindbrain.

Well, the hindbrain is reflex and reactive behavior, so basically it says from the moment you get under stress you actually shut down the thinking processes of the conscious mind and open up the reactive, reactionary processes of the hindbrain. . .
Simply put: when we are under stress, we become less intelligent.

Clearly, some fear reactions are justifiable, such as coming face-to-face with a big bear. In other cases, we can learn to retrain our fear response. Fear does not necessarily have to incapacitate us.

Consider the following two fear reactions by contestants on a recent show of America’s Got Talent. Both were singing their hearts out seeking their big break. Each was faced with an alarming experience. Simon Cowell interrupted them and asked them to sing a different song. The 30-year-old young man was like a deer in the headlights. Simon offered him the opportunity to come back later in the day which he eventually did successfully. But in the moment, he just stood there speechless and unable to think what to do. In contrast, the eight-year-old girl who was similarly interrupted by Simon was also stunned initially. Simon offered her some water and she smiled and said, “Well, that just happened!” She composed herself and sang another song.

In the moment of our fear being triggered, we can unconsciously allow our physiological response described above to kick in and take over. Or, we can do what that little girl did. She overrode her autopilot response by acknowledging that something unpleasant happened and then affirmed that she was OK. 

Here are 5 simple steps to retrain your reaction to things you fear:

  1. Observe yourself. Play detective and watch to see exactly what you do when you get afraid. Notice what triggers your fear.
  2. Interrupt your autopilot response. Practice noticing when your fears kick in. Stay conscious. Don’t lose your mind.
  3. Choose to be OK. Ask yourself, “How else might I respond to this other than being afraid?” Practice telling yourself that you can manage the situation. You can be simultaneously afraid and OK. 
  4. Downgrade your fear. As you practice being OK when you are afraid, your fears will lose their power. Build trust in your ability to cope in the presence of stress.
  5. Repeat. Building new response patterns requires repetition. Be patient and keep doing this consciously until it becomes your new autopilot response.

For further insight into mastering the art of being you, read more here.  

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?
If so, please share it with them. 
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Is Your God Too Small?

Do you experience God? Or, is God a concept to you? Or, perhaps God is not something that matters to you. 

Some people worship very small gods like the god of opinion or the god of money, power, status, and success. Some relate to God as a concept. Others experience God. And some deny the existence of God.

As a mentor and grief counselor, I hear a lot about people’s deepest beliefs and fears. I am particularly fascinated by how a belief in God is expressed in how people live their lives.

What does it mean to believe in God? In its broadest sense, it means having a worldview that includes the existence of God.

Here are three attempts to define God in words:

  • Oxford Dictionary: “In Christianity and other monotheistic religions, the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being.” 
  • Merriam-Webster Dictionary:“The supreme or ultimate reality: such as the Being perfect in power, wisdom, and goodness who is worshipped (as in Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism) as creator and ruler of the universe.” 
  • Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy: “Much of western thought about God has fallen within some broad form of theism. Theism is the view that there is a God which is the creator and sustainer of the universe and is unlimited with regard to knowledge (omniscience), power (omnipotence), extension (omnipresence), and moral perfection. Though regarded as sexless, God has traditionally been referred to by the masculine pronoun.”

I find it interesting that we define God in human terms and with human attributes and aspirations. It is difficult to formulate ideas about God without imagining God to exist in within space and time. We are likely to get caught up in a “Where’s Waldo?” kind of speculation about the placement of God. Is God outside of us and/or within us?  When God is perceived in man’s image and attributed a pronoun, we limit God by our cognitive capabilities and imagination. This line of thinking omits the possibility of a formless and unfathomable God.

Whatever our conception of God may be, it is important to recognize that God is not validated into existence by our belief. 

There are many things that we do not or cannot know. This is the territory of faith, trust, and surrender. Some people lose faith in God when things happen that they do not understand or are unable to comprehend. For example, when a child dies. Some people lose their faith saying, “What kind of a god would let a child die?” Others give up on God because they cannot abide by the hard knocks they have encountered in their lives. They stop believing in God because they have a stronger belief that God has failed them. So, they fire God and declare themselves the god of their life. These gods are way too small.

When someone finds little or no interest in spiritual matters, that does not mean that these dimensions do not exist. As professed by the Delphic Oracle, expressed in the teachings of Dutch Renaissance humanist, Desiderius Erasmus, and carved over the front door of the eminent psychologist Carl Jung —

“Bidden or not bidden, God is present.”

For Jung this statement served to remind those entering that awe of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom (Psalms 111.10).

Many do not believe in the existence of a creator of this world and all who exist in it. Others recognize a mystical quality to life that awakens and inspires a sense of spiritual mystery and an aspiration to goodness.

My awareness of God is constantly evolving and God remains fundamental to my worldview. My understanding of myself as a spiritual being has evolved from conceptual to experiential.

As a child, I thought of God as a fatherly man in a white robe. He lived on a cloud and ran the whole world. That god, conceived by man, in the image of man, became too small for me. The God I speak of now is not limited by human vocabulary, form, or imagination. I no longer try to conceptualize God, I experience God to be something greater than us that has us. I live with an awareness of God’s presence. 

 As I awakened spiritually, I came to know myself as a soul among other souls having human experiences. In the higher levels of consciousness above my ego, I came to know myself to be an individuated aspect or expression of the divine that cannot be created or destroyed. 

It is interesting to note that in both Greek and Hebrew soul means breath or life.

Now, even my perceived identity as a soul is giving way into the divine as a pervading oneness. I have come to know God as the source of my life, my breath, and my multi-dimensional existence as a soul, body, and consciousness. I experience God as oneness and a creative, purposeful force of all we experience.

The Hebraic name for God, hu, is said to express the vibrational frequency of God in such a way that it causes the soul to yearn to go home to the heart of God.

While I believe that we all are essentially divine beings, it is apparent that we have varying degrees of awareness of that reality. And, when we are not aware of something––it is as though it does not exist for us. And, we function accordingly.

In his book, The Idea of the Holy, German theologian Rudolph Otto ponders how we are to stand in relationship to God. He concludes that we should stand before God in drop jaw awe – beyond words and concepts. When we realize that God is beyond our comprehension, we stand at the edge of our unknowing either in fear or trust, depending on whether we imagine a wrathful or a loving God. 

Unique perspectives of spiritual awareness are activated in different individuals. I believe that one’s level of awareness is perfect for whatever that individual is doing in this lifetime. It is not better or worse than the level of awakening of another person.

I remember two weeks before my mother’s death when she had a profound spiritual awakening. Her relationship to God was upgraded from a conceptual belief in God to knowing experientially that God was breathing her. She urgently wanted everyone in the world to know because, as she explained:

“People will want to live their lives differently.”

 

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

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Do You Play the Victim in Your Life?

Do you live at the cause or at the effect of your own life? Do you think what you experience is a response to other people and external events? Or do you see how you create, promote, and allow what happens to you? When we play the victim, we are placing ourselves at the effect of someone else’s attitude or behavior. Here are some of the major ways playing the victim shows up:

  • difficulty accepting what is happening 
  • self-talk that reflects self-doubt, judgment, or excuse-making
  • blaming others for how you are feeling
  • wanting to run away from the situation you are in 

Playing the victim is about giving your power away to your fears, insecurities, or to other people.

It is about choosing to tell yourself two key messages: 

  • It is not my fault.
  • I am helpless to create success in this situation.

Let’s look at some examples:

  • You have an assignment at work and don’t feel confident in your ability to do a great job. Do you automatically engage in problem-solving the situation to get the help you need? Or, do you start running fantasies in your head about how inadequate you are? You might create a fantasy about what will happen if and when you get found out. No one else has rendered you powerless here. You did it all by yourself. You told yourself you couldn’t measure up and made that a self-fulfilling prophecy through the fantasies you spun in your head.
  • You claim to be committed to losing weight but aren’t getting any results. You keep making excuses about how hard it is. You might tell yourself, well, yesterday was my birthday, or I’ll diet after my cruise next week. Or, my car just happened to break down in front of my favorite fast food restaurant. By making these excuses for yourself, you take no responsibility for your choices. You try to convince yourself and others that you had no choice. But you did. Each time, you made the choice to surrender to temptation rather than to keep your word to yourself about losing weight. You keep telling yourself you are trying, but are you really? Trying is different from doing. “I’m trying” is often code for telling ourselves we are a good person even if we aren’t getting the results we want. Doing involves taking the actions that allow you to achieve desired results. If you truly want to lose weight, you need to do what it takes to make different choices to get different results.
  • You have accepted a date to have lunch with your friend, Jane. You sit there listening to her go on and on about herself as she always does. She never asks you about your life. You are fuming inside and running an internal commentary about how self-centered and clueless she is. Yet, you sit there nodding your head with a smile on your face. You attempt to hide the fact that you want to smack her, run away, or scream. But you don’t. You have convinced yourself that it is all her fault, but is it? You won’t risk speaking up or doing something to change the dynamic between you. Instead you just play the victim telling yourself it’s all her fault that you feel the way you do.

Stop making excuses and blaming others for your unhappiness. Henry Ford offered great wisdom about taking charge of our lives:

If you always do what you‘ve always done,
you‘ll always get what you‘ve always got.

Here’s a simple 3-step process for reclaiming any personal power you are giving away through playing the victim:

1.  Notice when you are playing the victim. Without judgment and with a great sense of humor, observe yourself. Notice all the subtle and blatant ways that you declare yourself to be a powerless victim. Be really honest with yourself about this. The more you see, the more you can do something about it. Look at things like:

  • How do you deal with technology challenges? 
  • What goes on inside of you when you are on hold or caught in an endless phone tree trying to get to a human being with answers? 
  • How do you react when you are bored, frustrated, or angered by someone?
  • How do you deal with temptations, stress, or unexpected challenges to meeting your goals?

2.  Pay attention to your inner dialogue. What are you telling yourself is true? Be honest about what you are really thinking and feeling. Gather as much detail as you can and ask yourself:

  • What assumptions am I making about this situation and how do they contribute to my unhappiness? 
  • What common message do my playing-the-victim experiences share?
  • Is this message really the truth? Is there something I am afraid of that I am avoiding experiencing? If so, what is it and what am I afraid will happen if I really take charge of myself in this situation?

3.  Make two new choices:  Choose to take responsibility for your behavior and to create a different response. Keeping your sense of humor, start experimenting with new ways of thinking and behaving in these situations. Armed with your new awareness of what you will do and what will happen if you don’t do something different try some of the following techniques:

  • Practice catching yourself in the act and asking yourself, “How else might I respond to this?”
  • Work on one common reactive pattern at a time. Anticipate it happening again and think of two or three different strategies you might try out. Play with it until you come up with a new way of responding that doesn’t make you a victim. Notice how different it feels to maintain your balance when the going gets tough. Become a skill-building junky! In the example above about having lunch with non-stop talking friend, Jane, you might try interjecting something like, “Heh Jane, I want to update you about what’s happening with Jack” or “Jane, did I tell you what’s happening with Jack?” or “Before I forget, let me tell you the latest about Jack.”  Speak up. Let your voice be heard. Make a game of it.

If you want to take this to a deeper level, remember how your life looked to you through your eyes as a child when you were hurt or upset. Look for the bottom line message you told yourself about what was going on. See if that isn’t the same bottom line you are going to as an adult. This can be powerful and illuminating. 

Remember, your well-being matters and you are the boss of what goes on inside of you.

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

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If so, please share it with them. 
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