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I Met a Giant Wave. It Was Not Impressed.

Childhood Summers in the Waves

When I was a child, we spent two weeks at the ocean every summer. Those days were filled with endless hours body surfing and jumping waves.

That was my first experience of being thrilled with fear. Every time a huge wave rolled toward me, I strategized whether I should try to ride over it, duck into it, or ride it to shore. The ocean always demanded a choice. Just like life.

The Wave That Took Me Under

My biggest, scariest wave appeared one afternoon. I felt sure I could make it over before it crested. But that wave had other ideas. It scooped me up, spun me like a rag doll, and pulled me down into a frothy, tumbling world where I could not tell up from down.

I was thrown ashore landing between the legs of a plump woman standing at the water’s edge. She screamed picking my head up by my hair. I screamed right back as she dropped me into the receding ocean. I stumbled ashore, caught my breath and bearings, and headed back for my next wave.

What the Ocean Was Trying to Teach Me

The ocean taught me something that day. It taught me that life will always roll toward us with challenges that do not ask our permission. Some will thrill us. Some will scare us. Some will shake us so deeply that we don’t have a clue which way is up. But each one gives us a choice about how to respond.

Do we freeze? Do we fight? Do we surrender? Or do we find the courage to rise, breathe, and meet the next wave with a little more wisdom than we had before.

Fear and Delight Are Often Companions

The ocean taught me that fear and delight often arrive hand in hand. And both are valuable experiences that help us learn how to better understand and meet what comes forward in our lives.

Resilience Grows Each Time We Stand Up

It taught me that resilience grows every time we stand up again. And sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is simply walk back into the surf knowing how vulnerable we are.

If You Are Facing Your Own Waves

If you are navigating challenges of your own and want support, I would love to help. Together we can explore what is stirring or feels out of sync, untangle old patterns, and help you create a life that fits you from the inside out.

I invite you to schedule a free thirty-minute conversation with me.

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How to Create the Holiday You Really Want

Are you dreading the holidays? Or, are you hoping this year will be different?

Take a deep breath. You are a powerful creator and have a whole lot of say about what kind of holidays you will have this year.

The single greatest key to enjoying the holidays is choosing to be proactive rather than just being at the effect of the decisions other people are making.

You are the author of your own experience. The thoughts you nurture and the stories you tell yourself will determine whether you suffer through the season or create a better experience for yourself this year.

Step One: Set a Clear Intention

Don’t just try to have a better holiday. Commit to it.
Make your well-being a priority. Choose to pay attention to what really matters to you and decide to care for yourself as lovingly as you can.

Ask yourself, What would it look like to give myself a good holiday experience this year?
When you claim that power, you begin to create it.

Step Two: Be Honest About Your Expectations

If you always spend the holidays with people who drain your spirit or you’re grieving a loss, your needs may look different this year.
Ask yourself, What do I really want? What brings me joy? What parts feel heavy or lonely?

Be ruthlessly honest.

Expectations create experiences.

If you assume nothing will change, it probably won’t.
But if you approach the season as a chance to practice having a different kind of inner experience you can make that happen. You’d be surprised at how even if nothing changes on the outside, you can have a totally different experience on the inside. Just decide to participate in your own experience and experience your own participation. In other words, pay attention to your self and what it’s like being you. When you are taking care of your own inner needs, you don’t have to feel victimized by how others behave.

Step Three: Choose What Feeds Your Soul

This year, dare to do it differently. Even if the main event stays the same, supplement your experience with things that truly matter to you.

  • Spend time with someone whose company genuinely uplifts you.

  • Volunteer and make another person’s holiday brighter.

  • Create a feast for one and savor every bite.

  • Let the day pass quietly and peacefully.

  • Host your own gathering, designed exactly your way.

Whatever you do, let it be a conscious choice, not an old obligation.

The holidays don’t have to be about proving, pleasing, or pretending. They can be about listening deeply to your heart and giving yourself permission to follow its lead.

Do what feels meaningful. Be with people who appreciate you. And above all, take responsibility for warming the tender corners of your own sweet heart.

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

Happy holidays. ✨

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A Deeper Understanding Of Human Life: Part Two: The Soul and The Ego Are Dance Partners, Not Enemies

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience;

   we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

– Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

True, but this is easier said than done. Here’s why. The soul carries a positive polarity. The Earth, and the ego (including the physical, mental, emotional, unconscious, and imaginative areas of consciousness) carries a negative polarity. This means that the electrical fields of our earthly identity function in opposition to the awakening and evolution of the soul. That’s why it takes consistent, intentional effort to elevate the consciousness above the ego to engage in spiritual awakening.

These two opposing energetic orientations within our consciousness don’t refer to moral good or bad, but to the directional flow of energy and awareness of what are commonly referred to as the soul and the ego. So, getting them to dance together is tricky business!

The soul and the ego are like the two poles of a magnet. Each carries an opposite charge that gives rise to the movement of energy and awareness through our lives. What is commonly thought of as spiritual awakening is not about silencing the ego but taming it to move as one under the guidance of the soul. Both are vital to our well-being.

As suggested in the above quote, the soul is our true, continuous self experiencing a human life through its relationship with our earthly identity. The ego’s purpose is to define and protect our individuality. It helps us navigate the physical world by setting boundaries between self and other and ensuring survival. It focuses on self-preservation, control, and distinction. Without the ego, there would be no sense of “I” to experience life at all.

Here is a comparison of the dynamics of the polarities of the soul and the ego:

Aspect                        Soul (Positive Polarity)                             Ego (Negative Polarity)

Direction                      Expanding                                                   Contracting

Energy                         Radiating                                                     Absorbing

Focus                          Unity                                                             Separation

Motivation                   Love/Service                                                Fear/Control

Function                      Transcendence                                            Survival

Goal                            Connection                                                  Definition

Together, these two polarities generate the current of human experience. This is what sustains the tension that allows us to grow, evolve, and remember who we truly are.

When the ego serves the soul, life flows in harmony. The goal is not to erase the ego, but to illuminate it with the soul’s light in such a way that it transforms contraction into conscious co-creation.

If you think you might benefit from working with a mentor, I invite you to schedule a free half hour session with me to see if we are a good fit.

We can explore your path forward together. You can schedule your free session here.

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A Deeper Understanding of Human Life Part One: Existential Restlessness

 

Do you ever experience an elusive unease and longing

for something more than your life seems to be offering you?

Consider it a call to a deeper awareness of the existential reality of the human experience.

There comes a time in many lives when, no matter how much we achieve, acquire, or understand, something inside remains unsettled. It isn’t depression, nor is it simple boredom. It’s a quiet, persistent unease, a sense that something essential is missing, even when life looks full.

That’s what I call existential restlessness. It’s not something that is wrong and needs to be fixed. Rather, it is a sacred signal from your soul. It is a stirring beneath the surface of your ordinary life.

You may have checked every box the world has told you would bring you happiness. But that kind of happiness is short-lived.

You were never meant to find lasting peace in what is fleeting.

Living in a world where your awareness has been dominated by the ego’s focus on survival, achievement, and identity, the deeper self is beginning to ache for reconnection with truth, purpose, and unity.

You might find yourself thinking, “Why doesn’t anything truly satisfy me for long?” That is a sign that your consciousness is trying to awaken and remember that it is more than a personality navigating a world of roles, possessions, and expectations. Here are some of the ways existential restlessness expresses itself:

  • A feeling of emptiness even when life looks “successful” from the outside
  • A recurring sense that something important is missing
  • Difficulty finding lasting fulfillment in relationships, work, or possessions
  • A yearning for meaning, authenticity, or a deeper connection with life
  • A vague sadness or discontent that has no clear cause

This inner unease is one of life’s most powerful motivators for growth. It propels us to question the assumptions that shape our existence and to search for a more enduring sense of peace.

This can feel uncomfortable, but it is profoundly purposeful. It is the soul’s invitation to shift your identity from the temporary self to the eternal self.

It’s the same force that compels a seed to break open before it can grow, or a caterpillar to become a butterfly. Those things such as our stories, ambitions, and attachments that once defined us no longer fit the shape of who we are becoming.

When we turn towards this process with curiosity and humility, the ache softens. It becomes a teacher, guiding us beyond striving toward presence, beyond doing toward being. Surrender and listen deeply. The peace you seek is not found by adding more to your life, but by allowing yourself to rest more deeply in life itself.

If you are experiencing existential restlessness and think you might benefit from working with a mentor, feel free to schedule a free half hour meeting with me to see if we might be a good fit. Schedule your free session here.

If you are experiencing existential restlessness and think you might benefit from working with a mentor, feel free to schedule a free half hour session with me to see if we are a good fit.

Schedule your free session here.

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What Is Your Fundamental Life Drama?

We all ultimately want to be happy and to be loved. In my mentoring work I have noticed that each client has a fundamental unconscious drama  playing out in their life. These dramas distract or blocking them from experiencing the love and inner peace they seek. In each case this drama compels them into life situations that reenact the inner distress of this dynamic.

Here are three examples:

  • Monica never felt safe. An incest victim, she spent many decades anticipating being trapped in undesirable situations. She became masterful at problem solving to overcome any threat that presented itself. Some part of her was on high alert all the time standing guard and ready to pounce on any perceived threat. She was charming and often did so with grace and a smile on her face. But her agenda was relentless. Her life was devoted to protecting a part of her that didn’t feel safe.

 

  • More than anything else, Jessica yearned to belong. Her drama began with her mother who had difficulty bonding with her. Jessica’s story is filled with friendships, job situations, and romantic connections that reinforced her sense of being an outsider looking in. She never felt that she was being fully seen, chosen, or desired. She saw life as unfair and was compelled to seek the approval of others in an attempt to soothe her distress.

 

  • Jacob’s life revealed an obsession with not being like his father. He is a prolific creative yet has spent his life trying to outrun the fear of being like his father who he perceived as a failure who lived a wasted life. His fear served as the motivation that fueled his productivity. But, it was never dissipated by his achievements.

Working together, we discover the beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and behavioral patterns that have been holding these dramas in place. We trace their origins and discover ways to disempower and replace them with a different way of seeing and being in this world. True liberation comes through the process of gaining compassion for the part of themselves that was trapped in their drama and discovering who they really are without the drama.

 

Every wound knows its own healing.

We just need to get out of the way and let it heal itself.

 

In 20/20 hindsight, each client comes to notice how often their greatest wisdom or the strengthening of their most precious character traits came through encountering these darker aspects of life. They come to realize that these very disturbing aspects of their lives were not “wrong” as originally assumed. Rather, they have served as powerful teachers and us the greatest opportunities to evolve, learn life lessons, and gain wisdom and discernment.

What about you? Is there a drama that has been running your life? Have you harvested the life lessons it holds for you?

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

 

 

 

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Reacting vs. Responding: A Subtle Difference That Changes Everything

Know That You Have a Choice

Most of us don’t realize how much power lies in the split-second space between what happens to us and how we act. In that space, we have a powerful choice: to react or to respond. The difference may seem small, but it can transform the quality of our lives and relationships.

Reacting: The Impulse of the Moment

A reaction is immediate and often unconscious. It springs from raw emotion without the benefit of reflection. When negative emotions are triggered, reactions are often defensive and designed to protect our sense of self in the heat of the moment. Here are two examples:

  • Someone cuts you off in traffic and you slam your horn, shout,                                      and stew in anger the rest of the drive.
  • A colleague offers feedback, and you instantly argue back, dismissing                        their point before you’ve really heard it.

Reactions often escalate conflict or create regret. They are emotional reflexes rather than conscious and thoughtful choices.

Responding: The Power of Pause

A response, on the other hand, takes a breath. It creates space for awareness, consideration, and choice. Responses are shaped by reflection, values, and the recognition that we have an alternative to our impulses.

Here are two examples:

  • Someone cuts you off in traffic. You notice the surge of irritation, take                             a deep breath and refocus on driving safely.
  • A colleague offers feedback. Instead of jumping to defend yourself, you say,        “That’s helpful. Can you give me an example so I can understand better?”

Responses don’t mean suppressing emotion. They mean bringing wisdom to emotion.

Why This Matters

Every interaction is a chance to choose the quality of our contribution to the conversation. Reactions come from habit. Responses come from awareness. One keeps us tangled in old patterns; the other helps us grow.

When you pause, you reclaim your power. You stop being a puppet of circumstance and start living as the author of your own story.

It is particularly important to respond rather than react in interpersonal relationships where hostility is being expressed.

Food for Thought

The idiom “Hold your tongue” advises us to exercise restraint when tempted to say something that might cause harm or be inappropriate:

  • when a conversation turns into an argument
  • when tempted to offer unwanted advice in a sensitive situation
  • when inclined to blurt out a comment when doing so would interrupt someone speaking

When we react we often are speaking impulsively without consideration for the impact of our words. This is fine when experiencing a pleasant surprise or some other experience that causes us to express enthusiasm. But when negative emotions are involved, there is great wisdom in hitting the pause button so we can think before we speak.

Consider these benefits of hitting the pause button in personal and professional situations. Instead of letting yourself just say whatever comes to mind, pausing gives you time to:

  • choose kindness and consideration
  • organize your thoughts
  • clarify a question being asked
  • show you care about the feelings of others
  • communicate your own needs clearly
  • build better relationships
  • avoid misunderstandings and conflicts
  • set a positive tone or example
  • reduce anxiety
  • demonstrate better problem-solving skills

Some would argue that this approach can discourage open communication or prevent constructive criticism. I think taking the time to be thoughtful of another person’s feelings actually improves the possibility of having your message heard.

Reflection Question

In your daily life, where do you notice yourself reacting? What might shift if you paused long enough to respond instead?

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

 

 

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Are You Uncomfortable in Your Own Skin?

Emotional Heaviness

Emotional pain is an invisible weight that many people carry. It doesn’t always show on the outside, but it can quietly affect every area of your life. Whether it’s a persistent ache, a sharp sense of loss, or a quiet feeling that something just isn’t right.

Many of my clients seek help without a clear “reason.” They try to explain by blaming the circumstances and people in their lives.

I ask them to look inside rather than out in the world. They discover that what they really want is to free themselves of a felt sense that colors how they experience their lives. When I ask them what it is like to be them, they say things like:

“I feel overwhelmed and don’t know why.”

“I’m doing everything I’m ‘supposed to’ but still feel empty.”

“I never feel good enough. I’m always pretending.”

“I keep repeating the same painful patterns.”

“I feel out of sync with myself and my life.”

“There’s this anger inside of me and I’m afraid I’m going to explode.”

“I feel like an outsider looking in.”

“There is a heaviness inside of me. I’m always anxious, depressed, angry, or sad.”

“I feel so alone. I have a wonderful life and wonderful people in it, but I feel like I’m all alone.”

“I’m really not a very nice person. I’m constantly judging myself and everybody else.”

 

These are all excellent reasons to seek help. Do any of them sound familiar to you?

I don’t believe such discomfort is a sign of being broken and in need of being “fixed.” I believe these people are simply wounded. Most often, what they need is not a pill, but understanding and an alternative way of viewing themselves.

As a mentor, my job is to create a safe and sacred space where people can explore their inner landscape, gain clarity, heal old wounds, and begin to live with greater inner peace, freedom, and authenticity.

If you are suffering and aren’t sure why, it may help to review the 10 major causes of emotional suffering.

 The 10 Major Causes of Emotional Suffering

  1. Anxiety, Overwhelm, and Stress
  • Persistent worry, panic attacks, or feeling chronically on edge
  • Difficulty sleeping or relaxing
  • Overthinking or feeling mentally “wired but tired”

Anxiety can feel like being on constant alert, with your mind racing through worst-case scenarios. And your body tenses without clear cause. You feel overstimulated, exhausted, or unable to relax. You may be having panic attacks or chronic worry. Anxiety, overwhelm, and stress are often described as a general feeling of unease or restlessness that will not go away.

 

  1. Depression, Disconnection, and Sadness
  • Ongoing feelings of hopelessness, numbness, or despair
  • Loss of interest in things that once brought joy
  • Difficulty functioning in daily life

For some, emotional pain shows up as a deep sadness, a numbness, or a loss of interest in things that used to bring joy. You may feel like you are living under a heavy cloud. Even the smallest task may feel difficult.

 

  1. Grief and Loss
  • Mourning the death of a loved one
  • Coping with the end of a relationship, job, or major life transition
  • Complicated or unresolved grief

Loss touches everyone at some point in life, whether it is the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or the unraveling of a dream. Sometimes grief is fresh and raw. Other times, it has been buried for years and resurfaces unexpectedly. Mourning is never linear.

 

  1. Relationship Challenges
  • Marital conflict or communication breakdown
  • Family dynamics, including estrangement or codependency
  • Difficulty forming or maintaining healthy relationships

Relationships may feel painful, confusing, or unsatisfying. They may be stuck in cycles of conflict, feeling unheard, or unsure of how to connect. This includes romantic partnerships, friendships, family ties, or even work dynamics.

 

  1. Trauma and Emotional Wounds
  • Emotional fallout from abuse, accidents, violence, or neglect
  • Flashbacks, avoidance, or emotional numbness
  • A sense of being “stuck in the past”

Unhealed trauma often hides beneath the surface of our behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. It might show up as emotional reactivity, avoidance, or a constant feeling of being unsafe. Traumas and wounds may originate from childhood, a recent event, or a string of difficult experiences.

 

  1. Identity, Self-Worth, and Confidence
  • Struggles with self-acceptance or self-esteem
  • Inner critic, perfectionism, or impostor syndrome
  • Questions about gender identity, sexual orientation, or purpose

Many people struggle with how they see themselves. They may be navigating questions about who they are, what they value, or how to feel confident and whole. Low self-esteem, shame, and the inner critic can cause real pain.

 

  1. Major Life Transitions
  • Divorce, retirement, relocation, new parenthood, or aging
  • Feeling unmoored during changes or uncertain about what’s next

Life is full of transitions that can shake our sense of stability. Whether it’s starting a new job, becoming a parent, retiring, or experiencing the end of a marriage, big changes often stir up deep emotional currents.

  1. Unresolved Childhood Issues
  • Lingering emotional pain from early experiences
  • Attachment wounds or unmet emotional needs
  • Repeating harmful patterns in adulthood

Sometimes, people just know they are tired of feeling stuck, repeating the same patterns, or carrying the same emotional burdens. These patterns often trace back to early life experiences.

 

  1. Addiction and Coping Mechanisms
  • Using substances, food, sex, or work to avoid emotional discomfort
  • Seeking help to break unhealthy habits or compulsive behaviors

Sometimes we try to numb uncomfortable feelings without necessarily realizing that we are doing so. At first we may think it’s just something we like doing. But in time it may become something we can’t do without.

 

  1. Existential Questions or Spiritual Crisis
  • Questioning the meaning of life, purpose, or one’s path
  • Feeling disconnected from self or others
  • Yearning for a deeper sense of peace or fulfillment

Emotional pain is not always about symptoms. Sometimes it is about soul hunger. Life brings some of us to ask deeper questions like: Who am I? What is my purpose? Why am I here?

 

Shifting Perspective

You do not have to be falling apart to benefit from seeking to heal yourself. The path out of emotional dis-ease can be a wonderful journey of self-discovery. It’s not about fixing something that is wrong with you, but rather seeking to understand yourself better, to live more consciously, and to create healthier relationships with yourself and others.

If you are suffering emotionally, consider that as a doorway to a healthier you. If you recognize your inner experience in the description of any of the major causes of emotional suffering listed above, ask yourself, “Do I want to keep doing this or do I want to heal?” Whether on your own or with the help of a professional, the first step to healing is yours. What are you waiting for?

 

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Game of Life

What Game Are You Really Playing?

The Origins of the Metaphor of Life As a Game

Since the 1600s, great thinkers have used the metaphor of life as a game or performance. Shakespeare famously wrote, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” This suggests that real people are like actors assuming alternative identities enacting various dramatic, tragic, and comedic scenarios.

Fast forward to 1925, and metaphysical teacher Florence Scovel Shinn gave the metaphor new spiritual significance in The Game of Life and How to Play It. She suggested that life isn’t random but a purposeful simulation through which souls evolve in a cosmic classroom of sorts. Expanding on this idea, some perceive life on Earth to be a simulation through which souls learn by assuming identities that are not ultimate truths but part of a temporary human experience. In this sense  life is intended as a journey in consciousness through which souls learn, evolve, and awaken.

Life As a Game

Much like a game, the journey of a lifetime involves choices, risks, outcomes, and a degree of chance. Indeed, we each make choices that have consequences and inform the possibilities to come.  The game of life is a temporary creative process with a beginning and an end. But, unlike a game, our life, once initiated is not optional. We will live it one way or another, even if we choose to end it prematurely.

What is the Nature of Your Game

If life is a game, what kind are you playing?

Are you:

  • Fighting for survival?

  • Competing for scarce resources?

  • Trying to make your dreams come true?

  • Seeking to expand your conscious awareness?

  • Awakening spiritually?

How would you describe the game of life that you are playing?

 

Your perception determines your playing field.

The game you see is the game you play. Some games are built around fear and lack. Others are quests for love, awakening, or understanding. Some perceive the games themselves to be hierarchical as in  Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. He theorizes that we must meet our basic survival needs before we can entertain other higher pursuits. As we achieve each level of desire and expertise, we gain the ability to perceive and participate in higher games. But not all of us will. Many are content to live life within the purview of the mind and ego pursuing the temporary sating of perceived material and emotional wants and needs.

 Or perhaps these games are multidimensional, where several “games” play out at once.

Multidimensional Games

I have come to experience myself as a soul pursuing a spiritual learning agenda while living life through the identity of Judith Johnson.

It has been my experience that I participate to some degree in multiple games simultaneously and to varying degrees. But I also notice an overarching trajectory whereby I have been focusing more and more of my attention on awakening my spiritual awareness and the process of transcending into soul awareness and beyond.

This typically requires inquiry beyond what is directly observable or measurable by the mind and senses. It delves into fundamental metaphysical questions about reality, existence, knowledge, the nature of being, consciousness, space, time, and causality.

As I elevate my game, what changes is largely a function of what I perceive to be real and what I value. For example, if I were a pickpocket seeing an angel, I would see pockets and if I were a critic I would look for something to criticize. But as I come to know God, other pursuits lose their pull.

Our difference in perception explains why people at different levels of awareness often misunderstand each other.

One interesting aspect of this multi-level game is that the more restricted our perceptual capabilities are the less we can comprehend or understand someone functioning from a different level of awareness. For example, Joe experiences life through his ego and denies the existence of God because he is looking at the world and asking, “how can a god let this kind of pain and suffering exist?” Through Joe’s eyes, Sam who speaks of experiencing God’s presence and love in his life appears naive. But Joe is making a common error. He is assuming that what he sees is reality itself rather than an interpreted reality perceived from a particular point of view.

One of life’s great lessons is that thinking something doesn’t make it true.

Another is that we assume that others perceive the same thing that we do.

So, What Game Are You Playing?

What do you value in your life? What do you believe is the purpose of your life? What are you seeking to experience or achieve?

Take a moment and ask yourself:

“How would I describe the game of life I’m playing?”
“What deeper game might be calling to me?”

When we begin to ask such questions, we move from being pawns of circumstance to conscious players in a sacred journey.

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

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The 5 Wisdom Teachings of the Oyster

The Metaphor of the Pearl

The oyster’s journey of pearl formation is a metaphor for overcoming adversity. Difficult situations can be the source of our greatest blessings and growth if we respond with courage and perseverance.

How and Why the Oyster Forms a Pearl

We tend to activate autopilot defense mechanisms to push away less than desirable experiences. Alternatively, consider how the oyster forms a pearl as a natural defense mechanism against irritants that get inside its shells.

When a foreign object makes its way into the oyster’s shell, it irritates the soft tissue surrounding the oyster’s internal organs. To protect itself, the oyster secretes layer upon layer of a substance called nacre (also known as mother-of-pearl). Slowly encasing the irritant, these secretions form a precious pearl of iridescent luster. 

The Oyster’s 5 Wisdom Teachings

Here’s how the wisdom of pearl formation can be applied in our lives:

Irritants as Catalysts: When we encounter challenges and adversity, we can use them as catalysts for positive change. Just as an irritant triggers the oyster’s response, we can engage in a process of personal transformation rather than trying to push away unwanted experiences. These challenges can teach us new skills of adaptation.

For example, when a relationship becomes unpleasant, seek to understand how the disturbance is being triggered inside of you rather than trying to eradicate the discord. Chances are the nature of the upset for you is probably familiar from past experiences. Use the current situation as a motivation to better understand the origins of this pattern of reactivity inside of you so you can  break free of it.

 

The Power of Response: The oyster’s response to an irritant involves surrounding it with a protective substance which in turn forms a precious pearl. Similarly, individuals have the ability to choose how to react to adversity. This can be an opportunity for growth.

For example, I recently watched my hot temper rise up in response to a situation where I felt I was being mistreated by a company I was doing business with. I caught myself in the act and took the time to figure out how to respond with simply my point of view and not my anger. That generated a better response than I even hoped for.

 

Transforming Pain: The oyster transforms the irritant into a pearl. This mirrors how individuals transform painful experiences into valuable lessons and inner strength. Overcoming challenges shapes individuals into stronger, more compassionate, and wiser people.

A client recently had a surprisingly unpleasant encounter with her grown    daughter. Rather than reacting in the moment, she chose to wait till we had a chance to unpack the situation together. We explored the fact that the daughter was being heavily influenced by her husband who had a dislike for my client. Rather than simply reacting to being hurt by her daughter, my client was able to see that she was doing the best she could in a difficult situation. As a result, she gained compassion for her daughter and a greater tolerance of the unpleasantries of life.

 

Hidden Treasures: The pearl emerges from within the irritant. The most valuable lessons and blessings in life are often within struggles. By persevering, individuals can discover these hidden treasures.

For example, I spent years in an intractable discord with my neighbors. Whenever it erupted, there was an urgency inside of me to get away from them as fast as possible. I finally noticed the depth of my pain was disproportionate to the situation itself. Looking inward, I realized this experience was triggering the feeling associated with an unresolved issue from my childhood. As a child that same feeling had been unbearable forcing me to run away from what was happening. The fear of experiencing that same feeling was being triggered with my neighbors. Once I recognized this, I was able to separate the two situations. I found myself appreciating that the current discord had brought me awareness of my old emotional fear still being active within me. By releasing that buried fear I was able to transform the nature of my relationship with my neighbors.

 

Embracing Adversity: The oyster must accept the irritant’s presence and work with it. Likewise, individuals must accept adversity as a natural part of life and navigate it with resilience. Embracing challenges provides opportunities for growth.

For example, I struggled with obesity for most of my life. I lived in shame, self-blame, and jealousy of naturally thin people. Finally, an endocrinologist discovered that I have an extremely low metabolism that is the real source of my body weight issues. Knowing that it wasn’t my fault liberated me. I was then able to find solutions that made it possible for me to maintain a healthy body weight and release my emotional baggage associated with this issue.

 

Life is full of surprises. Remember that pearls of great price are often created through friction. It is wise to build resilience by embracing all of life.

 

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

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Souls Onboard

 

Recognizing the Sacred in Every Life We Encounter

            In aviation and maritime communication, the term “souls onboard” is used during emergencies to communicate the number of living human beings onboard a vessel. It’s not just a headcount. It’s a recognition of lives, of beings, of souls. The language reminds us that those on board aren’t cargo or statistics. They are people. Whole lives. Each one sacred.

What If We Used This Lens in Our Lives

What if we moved through the world aware that everywhere we go, we are surrounded by souls onboard—fellow travelers navigating the skies of their own lives?

Every human being you pass on the street, meet in a meeting, sit beside on the bus, or scroll past online is a soul onboard this great collective journey we call life. And like you, they are trying to make sense of it. Some are stumbling. Some are shining. All are worthy.

It’s easy to forget this when we’re overwhelmed, annoyed, or afraid. It’s easy to reduce people to their behaviors, opinions, or affiliations. We mentally divide the world into “us” and “them.” We are inclined to categorize others based on whether they agree with us. We value some and avoid others. We believe some deserve kindness and others do not.

A Call to Recognition

If we are truly spiritual beings, as so many of us claim to believe, then we cannot make exceptions. The soul is the essence of every person, regardless of how they show up. And while not all behaviors are acceptable, every being is a soul onboard.

This is not a call to spiritual bypassing or naïve tolerance. It’s a call to recognition. It is a reminder that behind every face is a complex, feeling, sacred being, shaped by stories we cannot see.

What Would Shift in Our Lives If We Truly Saw This?

  • What if the person who cut you off in traffic wasn’t just a jerk but a soul in distress?
  • What if the relative who pushes all your buttons was seen as a soul still finding their way through their own distorted perceptions and wounds?
  • What if we experienced our disturbances with others as an invitation to practice reverence, not just reaction?
  • What if we went so far as to see that person who irritates us or the one we fear as Jesus or Buddha testing our ability to love and honor each other?

We don’t need a spiritual emergency to remind us of our shared humanity. We can bring that awareness into each ordinary day.

 

Here we are, all of us,

doing the best we know how.

Some of us rising. Some of us hurting.

Some of us lonely. Some behaving badly.

Each of us trying to love, to be loved.

To belong, to matter.

We may not understand each other. We may not always agree. But we are traveling together.

So let’s tread gently. Speak kindly. Extend compassion and respect not just to those we love, but to those we don’t yet understand.

Every soul counts.

Every soul is worthy.

And every soul is onboard.

 

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Do you know someone who might benefit from reading this article?  If so, please share it with them. 

 

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