How Do We Do More Being?
If you read Part 1 and found yourself thinking, “Yes, I understand the distinction between being and doing, but how do I actually become more rooted in being?” you have already bumped into the delicious paradox at the heart of the matter.
We immediately want to know how to do being.
We want a method, a checklist, a sequence of steps. We want to know what to practice, how often to practice it, and how we will know when we are finally getting it right. In other words, the ego hears about being and promptly turns it into another project. So perhaps the first thing to understand is:
Being is not something you manufacture. It is something you return to.
You are already being. You cannot stop being. What happens is that we become so absorbed in our thoughts, plans, reactions, fears, expectations, responsibilities, and agendas that we lose conscious contact with the experience of simply being here. The practice is not to create some extraordinary state of consciousness. It is to become more available to the life you are already living. And that begins with something very simple.
Come Back to Where You Are
Much of the time, our bodies are in one place while our minds are somewhere else. We are eating breakfast while thinking about the meeting later that morning. We are driving while replaying yesterday’s conversation. We are talking with someone while silently composing our response. Being begins when we notice that we have left the present moment and gently bring our attention back. You might simply ask yourself questions like:
- Where am I right now?
- What is actually happening?
- What am I noticing inside myself?
Notice your breathing. Feel your feet on the floor. Become aware of the person sitting across from you. Taste the food you are eating. Listen to the sounds in the room. None of this is dramatic. That point is that being is found in direct experience.
Notice Before You React
One of the most powerful doorways into being is the small space between what happens and what we do next. Something occurs. Someone says something we do not like. A plan falls apart. We receive disappointing news. We feel criticized, ignored, frightened, embarrassed, or angry.
Our habitual reaction may arise almost instantly. But if we can notice what is happening inside us before acting on it, something important changes.
Instead of immediately becoming the reaction, we become aware of the reaction.
- I notice that I am getting defensive.
- I notice that I want to prove that I am right.
- I notice fear.
- I notice that I want to control what happens next.
That little act of awareness changes our relationship with experience. Instead of being completely inside the machinery of our conditioning, we are observing it. And in that moment, another possibility becomes available. We can choose how we want to respond.
Stop Trying to Improve Every Moment
This may be harder than it sounds. Many of us have developed the habit of constantly evaluating our experience.
- Is this good or bad?
- Do I like this or not?
- Is this going according to plan?Am I doing this correctly?
- What needs to change?
There is certainly a time for discernment, problem-solving, and action. But when our minds are continually evaluating reality, we rarely experience reality itself directly. Instead, we experience our commentary about it.
Being asks us to allow a moment to exist before deciding what it means or what we need to do about it. Sometimes this can be as simple as saying inwardly: This is what is happening right now.
There is enormous freedom in learning to meet reality rather than trying to rearrange it.
Become Curious About Your Inner Experience
Being also requires turning some of our attention inward. Most of us are highly skilled at noticing what everyone else is doing. We notice their tone of voice, their behavior, their opinions, what we perceive as their mistakes, and whether they are giving us what we want. We are often far less familiar with what is happening inside ourselves:
- What am I feeling?
- What am I afraid of?
- What am I wanting right now?
- What story am I telling myself?
- What am I defending?
- What am I trying to make happen?
These questions are not meant to become another form of self-analysis. They are invitations to awareness. We cannot live from the inside out if we are rarely inside ourselves long enough to know what is going on.
Practice Doing One Thing While Doing One Thing
We live in a culture that celebrates multitasking, although our nervous systems may have another opinion about it. Try occasionally giving yourself completely to one ordinary activity.
- Drink the cup of tea.
- Walk to the mailbox.
- Pet the cat.
- Listen to the person who is speaking.
- Fold the laundry.
Do not try to squeeze enlightenment out of the laundry. Just be there for it. This may sound a bit ridiculous, but:
Every time you give your full attention to what you are actually doing, you are strengthening your capacity to inhabit your own life.
Allow Yourself Not to Know
Doing likes certainty. It wants answers, plans, decisions, explanations, and guarantees. Being has a greater tolerance for mystery and simply being in not knowing. The compulsion to know can push us into premature decisions, false certainty, and unnecessary control. Being allows us to remain present even when the next answer has not yet arrived.
This isn’t about becoming passive. It means recognizing that wisdom sometimes requires waiting long enough to hear something quieter than fear.
Create Small Pauses in Your Day
You do not need to retreat to a monastery in order to practice being. You might simply stop for thirty seconds before opening your computer in the morning. Take one conscious breath before answering the telephone. Sit in your parked car for a moment before walking into the house. Look out the window without reaching for your phone. Before responding during a difficult conversation, feel your body and notice what is happening inside you. These small pauses interrupt the momentum of unconscious doing. They remind us that we have a choice about the consciousness we bring to whatever comes next.
Let Your Doing Come From Your Being
The more rooted we become in ourselves, the more fully we can participate in our lives.
We still make appointments, pay bills, create things, repair relationships, make difficult decisions, pursue dreams, protect what matters to us, and take action when action is needed. But something begins to shif. Instead of immediately asking, What should I do? we might first ask:
- Who am I being right now?
- From what place inside myself am I about to act?
- Am I acting from fear or clarity? defensiveness or self-respect?
- Am I caught in the need to control or am I willingness to cooperate with reality?
- Am I making decisions out of habit or conscious choice?
- Am I seeking to prove myself or am I simply sharing who I am?
These questions bring us back to the central truth we explored in Part 1.
Doing is how we participate in life. Being is how we inhabit it.
We do not have to choose between them. The invitation is to become increasingly conscious of the being from which our doing arises. You notice more and become present more often. You listen inwardly and loosen your grip on what you think should be happening. You allow yourself to experience your life before rushing to manage it. And little by little, your doing begins to arise from a deeper place within you. You become less occupied with constructing a life from the outside in and more capable of actually inhabiting the life that is already here.
