Archive for category: Consciousness/Thriving

I don’t choose to experience “writer’s block” which I see as simply a matter of faulty perception. It is a mislabeling of a very natural part of the ebb and flow of the writing process. To say “I have writer’s block” is to judge a temporary or permanent absence of writing momentum and productivity as wrong and therefore to see oneself as a failure in some way. The process of writing is an intricate interplay of conscious and unconscious dynamics and what actually lands on the page is a small part of it all. When we label and judge that process, we interfere with its natural flow and take a position of againstness with ourselves. It’s all in how you look at it.

When a writer declares that he or she is experiencing writer’s block, it is like grabbing hold of a fear (Fantasy Expectation Appearing Real) and fueling it with emotional distress. A way to reframe this is to simply trust that what appears to be a dry spell is a normal part of the process of being a writer and that either you need time to be away from the writing focus or that the process is largely unconscious at that time. Each writer has to make peace with this by finding their own particular rhythm and honoring that. For example, what works for me is not to have any rigid writing schedule, but rather to let the words come to me — and they always do — sooner or later. When working on a deadline, whether self-imposed or not, I never lose sight of the deadline, it is always there, but I don’t beat myself up with it if time keeps passing and nothing is getting on paper. I’ll notice that the topic is alive in me — turning this way and that finding its way to the paper. It takes a lot of trust to let this be. So far, it has never failed me.

I have lots of books and articles and projects on the back burner and no fear of running out of things to write about. I know that each piece of writing has a life of its own. For example, I have a poem that I started at the age of 16 that rumbles around in my head from time to time looking for its ending. I know it will end someday, but hasn’t so far. That’s not a problem to me — just a reality. I also keep what I call a “dump” file for each project and whether I am actively working on it or not, I capture ideas and information there.

In addition to building a strong bond of trust with yourself, here are some other keys to maintaining a good relationship with yourself as a writer:

• Just Do It: There is a point at which every writer just has to sit down and write. Whether you write for five minutes or five hours straight doesn’t matter, but if you are going to be a writer, you have to sit down and write.

• Write With Freedom and Abandon, Then Edit Ruthlessly: It is important to give yourself permission to write whatever comes up without any judgment. Just focus on capturing your thoughts and ideas — forget about grammar, structure and eloquence. Just get a hold of whatever comes up. Then, just as Michelangelo described the sculpting process as discovering a statue inside every block of stone, each writer must ruthlessly revise and refine a piece of work until pleased with it.

• Get Out of Your Own Way: If you get into a pattern of negativity and beating up on yourself when writing, find a way to be more loving with yourself and do not feed the negativity.

• Patience: Writing takes enormous patience. As with any other art form, you are constantly revising and refining your work. For an artist the equation is never time is money, but rather “do I feel complete with this piece? Is it my best effort given the time I have available?”

• Flexibility, Cooperation and Balance: There is always some level of agitation just under the surface that propels a writer forward giving momentum to the working process. But there are always other forces at work and writing is only one of many activities in an individual’s life. Finding your own rhythm and being willing to cooperate with the other elements of life that often seem to intrude on the writer’s solitary endeavor are like moving between shooting the rapids and gliding along on calm waters, never quite knowing which is going to present itself and when. Experience teaches us all to go with the flow and somehow that seems to yield maximum inner peace and outward productivity.

• Keeping a Sense of Humor and Humility: I’ve learned never to take myself too seriously as a writer. I do my best and need to laugh at myself from time to time when I give too much importance to what I write. If people get value from what I write, that’s great and positive feedback is extremely gratifying. However, while writing is ultimately about communication, I find it very funny that I don’t write to communicate, but rather because I simply need to write — I am compelled to do so. If the end product of my endeavors is of value to others, that’s great, but the solitary process of engaging in the art form itself is entirely for me and I think that is pretty funny.

• Letting Go of the Illusion of Control: A really good writer is never in control of the writing process. You may find that having a rigid schedule works well for you or you might be someone who writes when the spirit moves you to do so. Either way, a good writer taps into the wellspring of human consciousness and like love, you can’t make that happen on demand.

Is writing challenging? Absolutely! However, it is a great way to learn some profound lessons in life and to be of service to others.

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

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Human consciousness encompasses the full, complex and multi-dimensional range of our awarenesses, perceptions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, preferences and desires. It is the basis upon which we make choices and take action in our lives. Whether we pay attention to the fluid dance of our consciousness or not, whether we question our point of view or not, we move on creating, promoting and allowing what comes forward in our lives.

We are living in extraordinary times where human consciousness is concerned. Our sense of our individual selves, our collective identity and the complex interaction of our individual and collective attitudes, beliefs and sensitivities has become a fascinating field of study. Psychologists, leading edge biologists, physiologists, biochemists, neuroscientists, physicists, and others are all attempting to understand the complexities of human consciousness. Spirituality, psychology, and science are now working together to discover ever more subtle levels of connection between our bodies, minds and spirits as well as their respective and collective influences on our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Neuroscientists have discovered that repetitive thoughts form neural pathways as neurons that fire together get wired together. They use the term “neuroplasticity” to refer to the fact that our brains have the ability to change our synaptic wiring.

We live our lives sometimes being alert and aware of what is going on and other times running on autopilot with our forward momentum being determined by filters of how we responded to past experiences. We are quite literally creating our own reality through our beliefs, fears, hopes and dreams, either letting them operate unconsciously on autopilot or by directing them through conscious intentions.

When we are running on autopilot, we selectively perceive our experiences by interpreting them in a way that is in alignment with our existing beliefs, fears, hopes and dreams. This in turn causes our expressions to be self-fulfilling prophesies of our mindset. Over time, when we are running on autopilot, new experiences simply serve to validate and reinforce our existing way of being in the world — our autopilot responses to future experiences.

Here is an example of how running on autopilot works. Let’s say that an individual has a belief that she is not good enough to be loved. Unless and until she becomes aware of the fact that she holds this belief, it will run in her consciousness on autopilot affecting her thoughts, feelings and behaviors. The thoughts that flow from this belief will be self-deprecating, like “nobody loves me” and “all the other girls are prettier than I am.” On a sensory level, without an effective intervention in this belief cycle, she is likely to feel very sad and eventually depressed. Her behaviors will likely include self-isolation, rejection of herself as “not good enough” or rejection of others as “thinking they are so great.” Waves of similar thoughts, feelings, and behaviors flow through her until her way of being in this world is a fait accompli of her belief.

The good news is that somewhere along the line she may be given the opportunity to see herself in a different light and to choose to support that new perspective with different thoughts, feelings and behaviors until she establishes a new way of being and perceiving herself. For example, let’s say she reads a book that sparks the idea that she is not thinking very highly of herself. She may decide she’d like to change that and starts to notice that she is always thinking negatively about herself and feeling unlovable and as though she doesn’t fit in. She gets the idea to keep track of every time she notices those thoughts and feelings each day and to begin to respond to them with a different point of view. Perhaps she works with an affirmation like “I am lovable and I am loved” that she repeats every time she notices the negativity. This will likely kick up a bit of a dialogue in her mind between the old and new thoughts. If she persists, eventually the new sense of self will gain momentum and she will be set on a path of new feelings and actions emerging from her more positive sense of self until it becomes established as her new way of being.

Autopilot is not all bad. For example, when we establish healthy habits like eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep and having a healthy sense of self, we can put them on autopilot and not think about them unless and until we have the need to change them. However, autopilot can get us in trouble if we have negative patterns running us and we aren’t even aware of it. The degree to which we allow our negativity to run on autopilot (without conscious awareness) is the degree to which we are powerless over it. In order to take ownership of the quality of our lives, we need to create awareness in the present moment in order to have the power to make different choices. Until then, we are as actors, playing our parts in a drama woven out of our illusions.

Clearly, it would be exhausting to be conscious of everything that happens to us. So, autopilot is essential. However, in those times when we become aware of the fact that we are caught in negativity and want to change that, creating through conscious intention is our path to freedom.

When we create through conscious intention, we either affirm or alter our existing beliefs, fears, hopes and dreams based on newly encountered input. This causes different thoughts and feelings, which in turn result in new behaviors and ways of being and experiencing our lives. We have the ability to consciously direct our thoughts and feelings through the power of intention, thus taking a far more active role in creating, promoting, and allowing what we have in our lives.

It can take great patience and repetitive action to recognize and change imbedded beliefs to improve the quality of our inner lives. But, it is well worth it!

The state of our consciousness forms the bedrock upon which the dramas of our lives unfold. When our perceptions of ourselves, others and the world we live in are based on little or no conscious awareness and intention to create greater health and well-being, our lives are defined by the autopilot recycling of our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We exist in a veiled state where our experiences are automatically filtered through our attitudes, judgments, illusions, delusions, memories, and memory patterns, thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams. Within the privacy of our own consciousness — in the theater of our mind — we create our own sense of reality, which we inhabit as our role in the great drama of life. It is a complex structure, like a skeletal system for our consciousness.

To step into the process of creating our lives through conscious intention, unencumbered by all of this is to simply be free and authentic, with a sense of personal accountability and responsibility for our own creations. The act of intention creates momentum and the elevation of our consciousness takes place on the energy of our intentions.

When our consciousness is present in the moment, we live in our authenticity, encountering and integrating our new experiences, open to change and alteration as appropriate. There becomes a fluidity and aliveness to our experiences rather than a rote repetition of the past. We let go of our story, as we awaken to the magnificence of the presence of each moment of which we are a part. We learn to live from a deep place of resonance and truth within ourselves with an internal rather than an external focus of our attention.

Indeed, we are each responsible for how we use our consciousness. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to see a stream of courses in our education system that empowered us to understand how our consciousness works?

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

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I happen to think that the singular evil of our time is prejudice. It is from this evil that all other evils grow and multiply. In almost everything I’ve written there is a thread of this: a man’s seemingly palpable need to dislike someone other than himself.
–Rod Serling

When we encounter someone who does not resonate as “just like me” we are facing a moment of profound choice. Our response reflects the deepest instinct of our heart. Unfortunately, far too many of us respond without even thinking about it, with prejudicial thoughts about the person’s race, religion, ethnicity, body, clothing, or differences in social class, sexual orientation, age or disability, or any other variation that gives us the illusion that we are better than someone else. People find all sorts of reasons to pre-judge one another, building walls of separation rather than strengthening our human community.

A recent experience I had with prejudice motivated me to write this article to call for a greater sense of accountability for how we treat one another. I just moved into a beautiful newly-built apartment in the village of my town. It is a building that houses two apartments and is designed to fit into the architectural style of this established quiet neighborhood. While waiting for the construction to be completed before moving in, I learned that 40 neighbors had signed a petition to try and block the construction. Why? They were concerned that people who rent would bring down the neighborhood. They perceived us as people of a lower class and therefore undesirable. Part of the irony here is that a dilapidated old house that was considered an eyesore was removed from this property to build this nice, new two-apartment dwelling. I feel sorry for these people that their worldview is so very small and that their hearts have so many conditions.

No matter if our response to another person is on autopilot or deeply thought out, we are responsible for how we view one another, and consequently, how we treat each other. Sad to say, most of us could use a bit of remedial attention in this area of our consciousness.

It is one thing to have a preference, but quite another to be prejudiced against someone by rejecting him or her for being different. If we could just bring our consciousness present to the moment of our reaction, we might see that instead of stepping into a judgment of another as “less than me” or undesirable because they are different, we have the opportunity instead to step into gratitude for the abundance and grace that we perceive ourselves to have and to be gracious to the other person. Ironically, our choice says everything about us and really nothing at all about the other person. It is a matter of whether the door of our consciousness is open to variations on the theme of what it means to be human or shut because we are threatened by dissimilarity.

I think that when we look below the surface of any prejudice we find insecurity and fear. Prejudice says far more about the one who prejudges than it does about the one who is being judged. It tells us the one who judges is compelled to put someone else down to feel elevated. It tells us that the one who judges is scared of being how the other is perceived to be. It tells us that the one who judges attaches much value to his or her own relative stature and that this stature is an essential ingredient of his or her sense of self worth.

No matter what form it comes in, prejudice boils down to creating a hierarchical separation between yourself and someone else. Whether rejecting the other or preserving your own status, the net result is separation. As Judith Light says, “Bigotry or prejudice in any form is more than a problem; it is a deep-seeded evil within our society.” Not only are we responsible for the consequences of our attitudes, but our children either learn and absorb prejudices from us or become prejudiced against people like their parents, and the cycles of judgment go round and round. Wouldn’t it be smarter for us as individuals and collectively as a society to teach ourselves and our children:

• To develop a healthy curiosity about the differences between people;
• To understand that most of the ways in which we differ are out of our control;
• That being different isn’t right or wrong — it’s just different;
• To enjoy the variations on the theme of being human;
• To be compassionate and charitable toward those who are actually less fortunate than we are;
• To expand rather than to contract when faced with differences;
• To develop the ability to discern the distinction between differences that are simply interesting and those that might merit some careful consideration.

Personally, I don’t think it would be much fun or very interesting to live in a world where everyone looks the same, earns the same amount of money, is culturally and ethnically the same, has the same level of intelligence, sexual orientation and body weight. Boring! I like our differences. But, I don’t like how ubiquitous prejudice is in our society. We seem to accept and tolerate it as though it were a normal way to be. Even for those of us who call ourselves “spiritual” or “a good person” it might be wise to take stock of our own behavior around prejudice. Do you experience prejudicial reactions to any individual or group of people? If so, are you willing to make the effort to change that by choosing a path of kindness that respects the dignity of all people? Einstein said “It is harder to crack a prejudice than an atom.” That may be so, but the benefit to us, to those we judge, to our society and future generations is well worth the effort. Let’s learn to be intolerant of our own intolerance.

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

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Do you think everyone else is going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving except you? Does it feel like you are the only one who isn’t going to be having a warm and fuzzy time? You are not alone! There are so many people who feel alone and isolated over the holidays while others are all about eating, drinking and being merry. It’s a terrible feeling whether you have no invitations and will be spending the holiday alone or you will be spending yet another Thanksgiving alone in a crowd. The truth be told, whatever your circumstances, it is all a matter of perspective that determines how you will experience your situation.

I’ve spent many holidays alone and done everything from being miserable, feeling sorry for myself and making others wrong for not inviting me to preparing myself a full-on Thanksgiving feast for one. I’ve also spent many a Thanksgiving at someone else’s table feeling lonely and pathetic — being taken in because I didn’t belong anywhere and someone was kind enough to invite me. Basically, I’ve had just about every kind of Thanksgiving there is — even the wonderful kind. Each one has come and gone. The best ones, I have found, have not necessarily been merry and delicious, but rather the ones when I learned something about myself by fully experiencing and taking ownership of what was true for me without blaming or judging myself or others. I just accepted and worked with whatever my truth and circumstances were.

If you find yourself on a trajectory of anticipating an awful Thanksgiving one way or another, consider what you might do to change that. Ultimately, how you experience that day or any other is largely a reflection of your attitude which will determine the options you see or don’t see. If all you see is that you are alone and you are busy feeling sorry for yourself, then your self-fulfilling prophecy will be that you are sure to be alone and unhappy. On the other hand, given the same prospect of being alone, but being willing to make the effort to be with others (if that is what you want) then you might consider the following options:

• Is there someone you could call and ask to be included in their gathering?
• Call around and find others who will be alone and host a gathering.
• Where might you volunteer to help provide a nice meal to those who can’t afford it otherwise?
• See if there is a restaurant that has a large table for people who would otherwise be alone to share a meal together or find a community group that offers a similar possibility.

If the prospect of being with others is not what you really want this particular year, how about asking yourself what you could do to experience the spirit of Thanksgiving on your own? For example, you might make or buy or have delivered your favorite meal, which might not be turkey. You might rent a movie or read a book that helps put you in touch with what you are grateful for in your life. You might create a sacred ritual for yourself that enable you to claim the riches of your life and take the time to really connect deeply with your gratitude. The possibilities are as grand as your imagination.

The truth be told, many of those who are gathering together are wishing they were somewhere else. If you tend to feel alone in a crowd at Thanksgiving, what could you do differently this year? Is there someone in that crowd you might sit with and have a meaningful conversation. If there are children there, might they lift your spirits? Play with them. Or, maybe you could help out in the kitchen and feel good about being of service to your host. The point is to find something to do other than feeling sorry for yourself.

If this is a tender time for you because you have recently lost a loved one, pay particular attention to your needs. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Maybe being with others who might try too hard to compensate for your loss might not be what you need this year. If you need to be alone with your grief, then let it rip. Stay in your pajamas for the day and eat cold pizza and cry if that’s what works for you. Be true to your own experience — whatever it is. But, know that you have choices and choose wisely what will serve you best.

The point is that you are a powerful creator and have but to choose to create a wonderful Thanksgiving for yourself. So, if things aren’t shaping up to your liking this Thanksgiving, do something about it. It’s not too late to choose to make the most of any situation. One way or another you are going to spend your time and energy. It’s your choice if you want to see your glass as half empty or half full. My wish is that you be very good to yourself this Thanksgiving and if you aren’t going to be with people you love and enjoy being with, then take a good look at yourself in the mirror and love yourself upside down and sideways!

If you are hosting a gathering, take a moment and think about the people in your life who might be delighted to have an invitation to join you. A simple act of kindness goes a very long way — especially during the holidays.

I encourage readers to add comments and suggestions below to help inspire others to find their way through this holiday season with compassion and kindness.

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Also, if you know anyone who might get value from this article please email or retweet it or share it on Facebook.

Below the surface of many family holiday gatherings are mini dramas playing out, contemporary grudges and resentments and unresolved childhood issues. Nothing hurts with such emotional depth as these familial battles. For the tender-hearted, this can be a psychological mine field while self-righteous bullies reign unchallenged. Many silently suffer through these events while dutifully and unconsciously assuming their childhood role as the family black sheep or underdog. Those in secondary roles are often either complicit or oblivious, leaving the underdog to fend for his or herself. Here are seven strategies for doing it differently this year.

Strategy 1: See it for what it is. The bottom line of these battles is that they are mere reflections of the level of consciousness of the participants involved. Most bullies and tyrants have failed to evolve psychologically past their childhoods and are simply functioning out of a juvenile state of consciousness. Typically, they are caught in a win/lose mentality that drives them to perceive themselves as a winner at the expense of someone else. Putting you down is driven by a desperate attempt to put themselves up. In this sense, you are simply a means to an end and their attack on you is really nothing personal. You cannot evolve another person’s consciousness for them. Any attempt to address the matter head on with them will simply further ignite their battle position. On the flip side of this, is there any merit to the accusations and judgments lodged against you? If so, are you willing or able to change? If so, only do so for your own highest good and not to seek the approval of others.

Strategy 2: Stay conscious in the present and study how the dynamic works. Remember, it takes two to tango. Play detective with the situation and notice how this other person gets to you. Is it through sarcastic remarks? Giving you the silent treatment? Disdainful looks? Just how do they communicate their rejection and judgment of you? How do they hook you into their game? Pay attention to your own behavior as well. Do you comply by feeling and behaving like a victim? Do you try to defend yourself against their attacks? Does this drama dominate your entire experience? How do you buy in to this other person’s point of view?

Strategy 3: Stand tall in your own integrity and truth. Be at the cause of your own behavior rather than at the effect of others. Stop behaving in relationship to this person. Don’t buy into the familiar emotional territory of your childhood. Be your own grown-up person. Stop focusing on them and focus on yourself. Be who you know yourself to be rather than jumping into the underdog or black sheep costume of your childhood. Get out of reactionary mode and simply be yourself. By moving your attention away from the bully, you stop feeding on or into the situation.

Strategy 4: Stop wanting or expecting the other person to change. Before entering the situation, psyche yourself up. Remind yourself that this other person is probably never going to change his or her behavior toward you. Make your consciousness big enough to let that happen without being the center of your attention. Make peace with it. Let it be so without trying to change it in any way. Focus instead on learning how to stay true to yourself in the presence of someone who belittles you. Stop giving them your power. Remember that both of you have the freedom to choose how you will behave. Take the high road and don’t expect them to join you.

Strategy 5: Practice forgiveness. If you find yourself having a hard time with the situation, launch yourself into forgiveness mode in the privacy of your own mind. Forgive yourself for judging yourself for any judgments you have against yourself or the other person. Keep doing this as judgments come up. Neutralize them with forgiveness. If you don’t really feel the forgiveness, do it anyway — fake it till you make it.

Strategy 6: Step free of the drama and choose to have a healthy, good time. Setting and holding to the intention of doing it differently goes a very long way. Choose out of the drama and into having an authentically good time. Give more of your attention and interest to other people at the gathering. Help out in the kitchen. Just find some way to do it all differently. If you typically sit in a corner, get up and mingle. Find a buffer — someone you can engage with to shift your focus. Just do whatever it takes to keep moving your attention away from the drama and into finding new ways to be with your family. By doing it differently, you will elicit different responses.

Strategy 7: Strike out on your own for the holidays. If your family gatherings are simply unbearable for you, don’t go! There is no law that you have to spend the holidays with your family. What does the holiday mean to you? If it is about being with your family — then figure out how to do that using the first six strategies above and evolve a place for yourself that nurtures and supports you. If the meaning of the holiday is about the deeper religious message it brings, then find other people to be with who share your beliefs. Maybe you just want to have a light-hearted time. If so, then give yourself the gift of creating that for yourself with our without other people. Take ownership of your own experience and create a happy and blessed holiday for yourself.

The holidays come and go every year. Don’t stay stuck in a bad emotional drama. The willingness to do it differently will always create the means and ability you need. Trust yourself and have the courage to step free. Happy holidays, everyone.

If you would like to know more about me and my work, please explore my website here.

Also, if you know anyone who might get value from this article please email or retweet it or share it on Facebook.