Are you living at the cause or the effect of what is happening in your life? Are you living from the outside in or the inside out? Is your life a series of reactions to external events and the beliefs and behaviors of others? Or, do you live connected deeply within yourself and respond to others and outer events from a sense of inner attunement.
As children, most of us are taught to obey and follow the lead of our parents and teachers. If we are lucky, at some point we begin to develop a sense of our own unique identity. Over time, we begin to develop awareness of an inner truth. Increasingly, we learn to respond to the situations and events of our life from that place. We shift away from simply being tossed about in this world, reacting to what happens outside ourselves.
Here are five keys to recognizing whether you are living your life from the inside out rather than the outside in:
1) Your thoughts and actions are expressions of an inner sense of your identity and intentions. When we lose track of our inner center, our sense of well-being is primarily defined by external factors. For example, our mood may go up and down in reaction to the stock market. Or, we may be busy trying to get the approval of other people as a way to feel good about ourselves. When we are centered in ourselves, we don’t simply judge what happens as “good” or “bad.” We develop our ability to work with whatever is present in our lives. Our response is our engagement in life from a deep reference point of who we know ourselves to be.
2) You experience a fairly steady state of well-being rather than a high-drama roller coaster ride. When you are centered in yourself, bad things still happen to you. But, you react differently. You might even view the hard challenges of your life as opportunities to grow and to develop skills. You learn to stop spinning like a hamster in a wheel. You stop calling all your friends to tell your tale of woe and to spew all your anger and judgment about what someone did to you. Instead, you may turn to your friends for support and a new perspective on the situation, letting them know where you feel stuck. While experiencing your own vulnerability, you take ownership of your experience. You take action from a place of who you know yourself to be. You respond by creating, promoting and allowing only that which brings you into greater balance and well-being. And sometimes, that may take quite a while.
3) You experience a sense of flow and harmony in your life rather than a barrage of random happenings. For example, my friend Roy’s 94th birthday was the other day. He has been bedridden for over a year now. He barely has the energy to keep his eyes open or to speak. I wanted to do something meaningful for his birthday but was at a loss for ideas. I didn’t want to bring him a card that spoke in glowing terms about the future.
Roy had helped me tend my gardens for many years. So, I brought him an iris that usually only blooms in May but was blooming in mid-October! I also brought some tapes of harp and angelic voice music by Therese Schroeder-Sheker of the Chalice of Repose Project. They had arrived just before I left for his house. This music is designed to lovingly care for the physical and spiritual needs of the dying.
It was all perfect. I held a clear intention with no idea what to do. I just trusted and waited. Before I learned to function in this way, I would have tried too hard to force things to happen, and they just wouldn’t have worked out well at all.
4) You have a basic sense of being in the driver’s seat of your own life rather than a victim of circumstances and events. It is so empowering to know yourself to be at the cause rather than at the effect of your life. You are less likely to feel that you are in competition with other people. Rather, you marshal your inner resources and focus on doing the best you can. You might find yourself humbled by results that fall short of your wishes, but knowing that you did your best. You routinely focus your skills, abilities and resources to address the situation at hand. It can be quite satisfying. I like to use one of Dr. Phil’s favorite questions: “How’s that working for you?” It helps me to take ownership of my thoughts and actions.
5) You seek to achieve inner states of consciousness rather than outer things. While you might love nice things, your true happiness is no longer a result of having them. Rather, it comes from achieving a sense of inner balance and well-being.
You do not measure your own worth or that of others according to monetary abundance or scarcity. You are focused inward, not outward and measure your success by your ability to maintain a sense of inner balance. You do your best to respond to the flow of your life. Life becomes an expression of honesty, integrity and kindness.
Can you think of other keys to living from the inside out?
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